You Deserve Joy in Your Life…Here’s How to Get It

Dec 22, 2022

by Sarah McVanel, Chief Recognition Officer, Greatness Magnified

There are many things grown-ups don’t do.

Wait, what?!

Somewhere along the way, I started telling myself all kinds of stories:

• I am not a good artist
• I cannot waste time on hobbies
• Adults don’t dance
• Sitting around is lazy
• It’s too late to learn a new language
• I am too tall to be flexible
• I will always be a size 10

Can you relate? If so, what have you told yourself you cannot do?

Do you know when we started telling ourselves this? And I don’t mean we need to start psychoanalyzing ourselves (“I think it was when Jennifer bullied me in grade five”…that’s a true story…I still won’t accept her Facebook request; however, she’s not the root issue.) I think “adulthood” has all kinds of rules we absorb.

We are human beings built for connection and see ourselves through the lens of others, our environments, our first families, and the world around us. Ask anyone who started a job during downsizing versus in our current employee-driven marketplace their career views, and you’ll hear different perspectives on work. That said, we’re not a “victim” of our context, our internalized stories, or even the identity we’ve built over time.

All we need is the desire to be curious, the willingness to examine our “truths”, and the evidence of alternatives, and suddenly we’re above to see alternative stories.

And here’s the fascinating thing: when you confront one story and prove it false, like a loose thread of a sweater, the rest begins to unravel with that one pull.

Here are three examples:

• I signed up for a tap class. I liked it. I signed up for hip-hop. I like that too. I now teach other adults how to hip-hop in one of my keynotes. We confront our beliefs about “I can’t dance” together.
• My daughter went to Argentina speaking no Spanish. I downloaded Duolingo to start Spanish lessons in support of her. I realized that I enjoy learning languages; we take Spanish classes together on Monday nights. Indeed, I don’t know enough Spanish to backpack across Spain (although the lack of showers and pillow-top mattresses is the real reason I won’t be anytime soon!).
• After the carbs fest of 2020, I decided to be more intentional about my eating. Unless I really really wanted that cookie, second glass of wine, or extra helping, I would give it 15 minutes, make an herbal tea or go for a walk instead. I measured my food, water, steps, and sleep. Sure enough, 5 lbs shed, as did a dress size. Then another. And another. It wasn’t dieting. It was that every time a craving or unhealthy habit hit, I chose myself (most of the time). I am the dress size from elementary school now, and my cholesterol is as low as someone on beta blockers.

It Is About Choosing You

These seem insignificant on the surface; however, they are deeply meaningful to me. I danced throughout childhood, started the dance program at a performing arts school, and would count down the days to school dances. I played my Footloose tape so many times dancing around my living room that I wore it out! Bringing it back into my life was saying, “You deserve to do things you enjoy simply because you enjoy it.”

When it comes to languages, I begged my mom to let me join a French Immersion program when I was in grade seven, and she said no, as I’d spend hours on a bus every day. I advocated getting French Immersion in our town when our kids were babies, presenting to school trustees, crafting petitions, and forming a parent advocacy group so I could vicariously live through my kids. Who knew it was one downloaded app and a half hour every day to make a new language possible and that it could be a shared hobby with my teenage daughter?

Here are some ways to reflect on this:

• What is something important to you in the past that you wish you had held onto?
• What is so important to you that it doesn’t matter if you fail?
• What stakes are so low that there’s no reason not to try?
• What if you knew you wouldn’t fail? What would you try?
• What would you tell your younger self knowing what you know now?
• How much of your belief is an indisputable truth, and how much is an assumption?
• What might you regret if you didn’t reinvigorate a past joy?

Forever Recognize Others’ Greatness is a much easier philosophy to live by and practice to keep if you start by recognizing yourself. That includes putting yourself top of the list, doing what brings meaning, and reintroducing things that bring you joy.

So, what are you waiting for? Take up piano. Buy some oil paints. Take a woodworking class. Download that language app. Take a creative writing class. Sign up for the amateur choir. Ask for a gourmet cooking class for your birthday. What’s the worst that could happen? And, perhaps more importantly, what’s the best thing that could happen?

If you want to live with more intention, maybe Your Great Year would be a source of insight and awakening for you. Learn more here.

Looking for more tips on self-recognition? Check out these past posts for some inspiration:

• How to Stop Being So Hard on Yourself
• Self Compassion and Recognition
• Finding Passion and Joy in Your Life