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How to Stay Optimistic (Even When There’s Every Reason Not to Be)

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How do you stay so optimistic?

This is what a few folks have asked me lately…oh, if they only knew.

I’ve been really open with you how I was in huge crisis mode at the beginning of COVID.  First, all of my speaking engagements were getting cancelled. Then, maybe my coaching clients needed to put their work with me on hold because they’re either needed as an Essential Services Leader or their business had taken a swift and painful nose dive. Then, my daughter came home from high school sick. 

sad but optimisticNeedless to say, my normally optimistic self threw a great big pity party for me, my family, and the rest of the world.

Would you judge me if I confess that the pity party lasted way longer than I care to admit? As in, a few months? 

 Judge me or not, I think it’s worthy of being honest about it. I’ve heard a number of folks saying “if one more person says that we are going to be better off on the other side” or “if one more person paints a Kindness Rock, I am going to scream”. That’s telling me we are in a serious optimism crisis. So although I don’t profess to be optimistic about everything, and I’m still deeply worried about the world, and I have austerity measures in my business, and I am keeping my kids’ bubbles as tight as I possibly can (AKA with great difficulty now they’re back to school), there have been some pretty powerful lessons in optimism rituals that I want to share with you.

  1. Wake up optimistic

wake up optimisticI have been listening to a lot of audiobooks these days.  I’m wondering if you have to? One book that I borrow from the library about every other month is Brene Brown‘s Daring Greatly. Every time I listen to it I have another epiphany. Here’s the one the third time through: most of us wake up every morning from a place of deficit. Even those of us who tend to be pretty positive people probably still think, before their feet even hit the floor:

  • I didn’t get enough sleep!
  • I have such a busy day ahead!
  • How am I’m running behind schedule already?
  • How will I ever get through my to-do list?
  • What are we even going to eat for dinner today?

Can you relate?

Here’s the alternative: wake up optimistic.

As soon as you catch yourself in that cycle of deficit, reverse the inner dialogue.

  • Wow, I got 7 hours of sleep!
  • I’m excited about the meeting with ___ today!
  • I still have half an hour to get ready!
  • Which three things do I most need to get off my to-do list today?
  • I’d say scrambled eggs and beans on toast is sufficient for dinner, and if I get more creative than that, cool!

In other words, all of our deficit-based ruminations may be true. And, we don’t have to let it be the mental discourse in our brain before we even have a chance to have a good day.

  1. Hang out with optimistic people

optimistic online chatDo you have any of those family or friends that no matter what is going on in their life, they always have it worse than you? Or when things are going well, they’re always driving for the next thing? Whether they’re pessimistic or perfectionistic, they’re not good for you. And if that person that first comes to mind when I describe this individual is you, you’re not good for you. Optimism deflates with all-or-nothing extremes.

Here is the alternative: Pick your company wisely. Hang out with other people who prefer to see what is working versus what’s not. Give extra discretionary time to people who can focus on the future rather than spend all their time looking in the rearview mirror of life. You may need to put some boundaries up, of your time or energy or if they’re even allowed in your bubble right now. If your life is more abundant when you put those boundaries up, maybe you need to keep those boundaries up even after COVID is over and you can all go back to work or school cranks up full time.

This might just be the reset of relationships that you were looking for. Yes, blame it on COVID. And then keep it for yourself.

  1. Close Out Your Day With Optimism

end your day optimisticI will admit, I have to really check myself before I go into the house after a long workday. If I have had a back-to-back-to-back day, where I have barely peed (sorry TMI) and I did not eat enough lunch and my to-do list grew rather than shrunk that day, I often have no smile on my face, a furrowed brow, and the second that I have an opening, I tell my family how busy I am.

Guess who’s interested in hearing how busy you are? Only you. Bummer.

Here is the alternative. Reflect on what worked well and what you did get done that day. Give yourself some self-acknowledgement, even if it is small incremental signs of progress. It is so much easier to come back the next day more resourceful and resilient to tackle everything in front of you when you haven’t left the office with your head hanging low, your heart heavy, and your mind whirling. Nobody can recognize you for what you have done except you. I am very embarrassed to admit, as a recognition expert, I sometimes still need to remind myself that recognition starts with me first. So I do this for a living, and can sometimes forget it, you officially get a free pass to course-correct many times over.

What are some of the optimism strategies you use? 

Optimistic OctoberAnd by the way, my Essential Services in healthcare friends, I have a really juicy resource for you. Fellow professional speaker and all-around amazing human Renee Thompson, has put together an optimism calendar. We have provided the link to it here.

Even if you’re not from essential services, and you know somebody who is, please forward it to them. We’re battening down the hatches for the potential of another wave. I suspect you, I, and everyone around us can use all the optimism we can get.

Looking for more optimism?  Check out these other blog posts that will help fill your cup:

 

 

The Benefit of Failure in Shaping Your Ideal Life

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To say it’s been a little tough this last six or so months is like saying “babies are kinda cute.” Babies HAVE to be cute (ask any parent of a colicky baby). 

Sarah McVanel we're all in this togetherUndeniably, indisputably, undoubtedly, our work or life has been impacted in many not so great (and maybe some great) ways during this pandemic (just like life throws us curve balls when there’s no global health crisis). The benefit at least is we’re all in this together. We have a shared understanding in this worldwide situation. 

Even if we are in this together, it still begs the question, how do we manage this protracted period of stress, frustration and strain? Here are four lessons I pulled from podcast episodes over the last year. If you are looking for insights to help your health and wellbeing, or that of someone you care about, read on and forward.

  1. Failure Empowers You to Stop Settling 

Level Up Your Life with Sarah McVanel Flipping FailureResiliency Expert Mark Black could have looked at his life of being born with a “defective” heart (and having had to have two major heart transplants before the age of 20 as a result) as a bad lot in life. but he didn’t. In our conversation on his podcast Level Up your Life, we dove into how our greatest obstacles in life turned out to be the very thing that allows us to follow our path, level up our life, and set bigger goals than we ever would have otherwise. I really mean it when I shared with Mark: “Once you truly start to look around at your life, and all of the things that you have been putting up with, you actually realize that you’ve been settling.” Key points in our conversation:  

  • A crisis moment that leads to a massive life transformation.
  • A wacky idea that ended up being a great one.
  • What’s conditional, what’s optional, and what’s not
  • What does levelling up look like to you?
  • What is the Flipside of Failure?

  1. Failure Enables You to Reflect on Why Things Aren’t Worse

How to Embrace Failure as a Leader with Sarah McVanelPsychotherapist and Mental Health expert Roxanne Derhodge has seen a spike in her practice during COVID. Although we recorded this episode on Authentic Living with Roxanne pre-pandemic, the advice is still relevant. We talked about how failure and disappointment may make you initially think things like “why me”, “why bother”, “why this is happening” and the link, it also enables you to ask “why aren’t things worse?” If you are looking for perspective, lean into what’s irking and roadblocking you to consider if there is an even worse case scenario. Here are key points in our conversation:

  • How my latest book almost failed. 2:30
  • Sarah’s journey.  8:25
  • The theme of failure.  17:30
  • Dealing with failure as a leader. 24:45
  • The failure resilient mindset. 29:45
  • Why aren’t things worse?  40:50
  • The “gift” of failure.  43:30

  1. Failure Can Bond Us (Better than Success Ever Can)

How Can I Say This with Sarah McVanelOn Beth Buelow’s podcast How Can I Say This, we did a dive deep about the misconception that failure is divisive versus unifying. Who among us hasn’t experienced deep frustration, heartbreak, humiliation? Yet we often keep it to ourselves. We don’t ask for help. We think people will judge us if we show weakness or need help. In the midst of this global health crisis, maybe we finally have a chance to let down the wall and connect through what’s tough and what’s working. If ever there has been a failure tolerance (in ourselves and others), it should be now. Listen to part one and part two for tips on how to have failure-resilient conversations. Here are key points in our conversation:

From Part 1: 

  • What we can learn from authors like Brené Brown, Elizabeth Gilbert & Anne Lamott
  • The importance of knowing how failure resilient versus failure resistant you are right now (quiz here)
  • That our failure mindset impacts the types of conversations we have

From Part 2:

  • How healthcare has made strides because it acknowledged that it’s the highest incident rate industry (and put legislation in place like the Canada’s Apology Act of 2009)
  • That there is a movement of embracing and learning from failure (e.g., FailureCon, Museum of Failure, Failure Lab
  • That any organization wanting to truly embrace a continuous improvement culture values the surfacing of issues so they can be fixed (this is the Toyota Lean way)

  1. Failure Can Clarity What you Love (and Don’t Love) About Your Life

Charge in Business and Life Podcast with Sarah McVanelOn the Charge in Business and Life podcast, Gary Wilbers and Sarah talk about their shared experience that if you don’t love what you do, you won’t do it as well as you can. Sometimes that means trying some things that don’t work and realizing, “hey, this isn’t for me.” We need to not judge ourselves when this happens. This realization allows you to clarify the value you uniquely offer. If you charge forward without a direction, it’s like running around in the dark.

  • Sarah McVanel’s success habits include getting up early to make a cup of tea and reading before she starts work; setting a priorities list; creating vetting criteria in which to make decisions.
  • Charging into the things you love  (and how for Sarah that was specializing in recognition)
  • Why Sarah sold everything and quit her career
  • “I do everything” = I do nothing
  • You’ll be further behind if you don’t make mistakes and try
  • Failure is not necessarily problematic. It’s only problematic when you don’t get a lesson and don’t learn from it.
  • Every person needs to feel valued, appreciated, and heard (even when they fail)

If you know someone who would benefit from listening to one of these podcasts, please forward this to them as say, “you are worth seeing the value I see in you.” We are #inthistogether as we find the #flipsideoffailing.

In case you missed the past couple of weeks and want more great ideas for flipping failure into something fantastic, check out the links below:

 

 

The Benefit of Failure in Your Career or Business

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focusIn last week’s post, I shook the trees a bit. I acknowledged that many of us are struggling and that part of this is we’re not cutting ourselves a break. Now is the perfect time to strengthen our failure resiliency muscles, to ensure we’re in a failure resilient context, or both.

This week and next week I’d like to share four podcast episodes that take a dive deep into this.  Some you may have missed, or some time has passed and they might be even more relevant now to go back and have a listen. This week is business and career focused. Next week is a life and wellbeing focus.

Lessons from Failing

How can failing actually fuel greatness in our businesses and careers? Well, in four very unique ways.

  1. Failure Lowers the Waterline to Reveal (and Fix) the Cracks

Sarah McVanel with Jane Atkinson Speaker LauncherOn Speaker Coach, Jane Atkinson’s podcast The Wealthy Speaker Show, we got real about how we’ve both experienced many challenges in business as a result of COVID. At first, it felt like the sky was falling. Then, we realized that the pandemic forced us to take a good hard and honest look at our businesses. We noticed, addressed and improved things that would have remained hidden (or we could have ignored) otherwise. If you feel your business has taken a hit (or it’s made you gunshy to go out on your own), tune in. Here’s some highlights:

  • Finding your identity through COVID.  [2:00]
  • When the distribution channel dries up.  [7:45]
  • Riding the “mental rollercoaster”.  [10:30]
  • Keeping your routine in uncertain times.  [15:00]
  • Finding cracks in the foundation.  [18:15]
  • Look for the positive and cut yourself a break.  [21:15]
  • Shifting your business model to adapt to change.  [29:00]
  • Tips for writing your book.  [33:00]

  1. Failure is a Strategy for Peak Performance

Sarah McVanel with Cindra KamphoffDr. Cindra Kamphoff knows a little bit about peak performance. As the performance coach for the Minnesota Vikings, she helps athletes at the top of their game surpass their limits. Join us as we chat about what the great Canadians in Sarah’s book and Cindra’s experience with top athletes have in common. Ultimately, if you’re not willing to fail on the short-term in your career, you’re not going to win as big on the long-term. Here are key points in our conversation:

  • How Sarah defines failure.  [9:53] 
  • What is the flip side of failure.  [12:09] 
  • How people can praise themselves.  [15:29] 
  • A story where Sarah failed, what she learned from it and how she used the flip.  [19:56]
  • A story where Cindra failed and what she learned.  [27:38]
  • Why we need to fail.  [32:15]
  • Talking about deflate, elevate, mitigate.  [39:14]
  • How to adapt a high performers mindset of always looking for failure.  [43:23]
  • How expectation connects with our belief that we failed and not having a failure resistant mindset.  [49:29]
  • Failure resistant mindset.  [55:21]

  1. Failure Encourages you to Consider What Else is Possible

Sarah McVanel Simply Focus podcastElfie Czerny and Dominik Godat are internationally renowned solution-focused practitioners. In our interview, we dive into a solution-centric lens to failure; although we often see failing as a problem, we can also leverage it as an opportunity to consider what else is possible (a key tenant in a solution-focused approach.) Although this interview took place last year, the interview is still relevant given how we’ve thrown the status quo right out the window. Since we don’t have a choice but to reinvent, why not do it on our terms? Here are key points in our conversation:

  • recognition of greatness when working with teams
  • how people handle failing
  • solution focused questions refocus and elevate
  • redefining the stories we tell each other and ourselves
  • being involved in the community or how Sarah started and has grown her business
  • The Challenge of the week: Think of a label you give yourself, decide if it is working for you, and if no, allow yourself to envision a different possibility and a more helpful description

  1. Failure Can’t Be Avoided in Creativity

Sarah McVanel Stark Reflections podcastThrough the lens of authorship. publishing expert and writing coach Mark Leslie Lefebvre of the Stark Reflections Podcast explores how failure is an inevitable part of the creative process. Mark’s experience is that authors – first time or serial authors – don’t expect failure, resist it, and sometimes let roadblocks stifle versus invigorate their creative process. Sometimes it stops or seriously delays authorship. Sarah shares, ironically, the many failed attempts before Flip Side of Failing to write the book, but that it was a much better book as a result of those failures.

Sarah McVanel Similarly, my conversation with Bruce Outridge on Cashing in on Creativity Podcast explored how failure is true of every creative profession; illustrators, designers, musicians, dancers, etc; all ameteur and professional artists experience many roadblocks on their way to the success on the canvas or stage. We debunk the “overnight success story” myth, and encourage artists to lean into their struggles versus let it be seen as a sign they’re on the wrong track.

If you know someone who would benefit from listening to one of these podcasts, please forward this to them and say, “you are worth seeing the value I see in you.” We are #inthistogether as we find the #flipsideoffailing.

To find even more benefits to failing, check out these other blog posts:

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