I used to think I was career-first.
That work dominated my time and thoughts with not enough left over for my kids and husband. I have spent too much time over the last 20 years secretly beating myself up (and being jealous of my playful hubby when he had more time and energy to play with them when they were little).
It never made me a better mom and wife, and person. That undercurrent of “not enough” lurked in every shadow, and as soon as the evidence presented itself, it was “ah-ha, see, you should have ____.” You’re not spending enough time with them” became a default narrative. It was a constant knock on my character.
Sure, society likely embedded it within me before I was even childbearing age (actually Brené Brown‘s research has validated this as one of the top reasons women feel shame), and sure, my generation likely hadn’t wrestled to the group the seemingly juxtaposed “you must be a good mom” with “you must be a high performing professional…we did burn our bras to give you this chance after all“. Does that matter now?
What if WE get to decide what the rules of quality are?
And what if we got the chance to decide the “rules” we thought existed have been proven false, unvalidated science. In fact, we’ve proven that the null hypothesis in the experiment of life is actually true. After all, for many of us, these experimental conditions were created during the more powerful moments in the living laboratory of life. And we’re often too busy to evaluate if our “truths” are real or not.
The gift of this past year has been perspective.
To stack up all my hypotheses and take a good hard look at what was true and where there has been insufficient evidence.
- What evidence do you have that your mothering is not enough?
- What evidence exists to substantiate that you must double your business every year to be a success?
- What evidence do you have that you could be a more loving and supportive wife?
- What evidence do you have that you’re a “bad friend”, “poor daughter”, etc.?
- What evidence do you have that you’re not enough…
(Can you relate?)
So, regarding my value about family, I have settled into an inner knowing that my children and marriage have always been my priority. Hours spent together aren’t the key metric. The ratio of “more work hours to family time” isn’t a marker of my quality as a wife and mother.
There’s an unquantifiable quality of love and connection I pour into important relationships. It’s a fluid thing. That’s what makes it magic. And who would have thought…it was there all along, and I just wasn’t seeing it.
You are ALREADY greatness (and turns out unbeknownst to me, every minute, even when I wasn’t at my best, I was too).
Here are a few more resources that I hope will help you to “have it all”:
- Three Ways You Can Enjoy a Family-Centric Business
- The Flutter Factor…What Makes You Happy?
- Why Your Zone of Excellence Matters More Than Grades or PAs Ever Could
It’s not too late to join us for the Nurses Week Resiliency ReBoot! Whether you and your team attends our 9 sessions live or you catch the recordings, you will get ALL of the wellness courses, eBooks and apps we have for you. Connect with us today!”