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Greatness Magnified

But I’m Exhausted: How to Recognize Yourself and Others’ Even in Overload

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An interview with special guest, Christine Laperriere, owner/founding partner of Leader In Motion and Executive Director of Women of Influence Advancement Centre. Christine is passionate about Women’s Advancement and helping them learn how to stay happy despite being so busy.  Learn more about the mindset and strategies needed to get through it all.

Sarah:

Today, I’m pleased to introduce you to my amazing colleague Christine Laperriere, the head of Leader In Motion. We were going to talk about something that we’re so passionate about- women’s advancement and the lack of recognition – but here’s the thing; we’re both showing up at 4:30 in the afternoon at the end of the week exhausted and we’re exhausted! Instead, we’re going to have a real conversation here about what it’s like when you are fatigued and the lack of recognition that comes when that happens.

Christine:

We can definitely have a talk about that because that is top of my mind right now. Doing all this work with the Women of Influence Advancement Centre is a big part of my day job. I coach women through their careers to help them move into promotions. It’s amazing because here I am; I’ve got a screaming toddler and an eight-month-old baby who’s teething right now. Basically, I’m juggling it all. Sometimes the idea of advancement in the first place is just exhausting.

Sarah:

It’s fleeting moments when we consider: why would anyone want to advance?

Christine:

True, When you are thinking, you have more than I can possibly handle. Please, I don’t need anymore! I see this a lot when I’m coaching women. I see them struggle with being exhausted and under these incredible demands and feeling like they don’t want any additional responsibility. They don’t want any additional leadership. I just got off the phone earlier this morning when a coaching client went from an individual contributor to over the last year and a half she was given a team of 10 and then another team of 10 and then another team of six.

Meanwhile, she’s a busy mom at home raising children. She just said, “All I need to do is get as much done as I possibly can in a day so that I can get home and be a mom,” which is another important job for me. Sometimes I think to myself, “How do we do this? How do we do this all?”

Sarah:

I too see with coaching clients that they internalize this: if I can’t get it all done I’m a bad contributor or I’m a bad mom or terrible spouse. It’s amazing how many of us look around and think others must have it figured out. Not only is it rarely true, but it also robs us of the opportunity to recognize our greatness, what we are doing well and what we are doing right.

Christine:

It’s definitely a matter of understanding how to manage the standard that you’re going to hold yourself to when you’re juggling more than one thing. I think one of the things that I was talking to her about was how, before I had kids, it was easy to find four extra hours. Not that my life outside of work wasn’t very important, but there were other things that I could try to delay, move or reschedule. Unfortunately, I can’t reschedule a teething eight-month-old! I don’t get the luxury of coming home from work and finding four additional hours while I’m juggling a teething eight-month-old. It’s interesting how the idea of balance, like the standard that we set on ourselves, it has to be modified for the number of demands that we’re carrying. The bar that I used to jump in my career was much higher. Today, it’s got to be a little bit lower so that I can manage it all. I need to be pretty good at a lot of things versus awesome at everything. I’ll raise the bar again next week when his teeth are here.

Sarah:

Maybe we realize the expectations don’t have to be that high anyway. Maybe we actually have much higher standards than we need to. Because one of the things that I’ve learned through the work you do in supporting women’s advancement and the research is that what holds women back is that we put our heads down, keep working harder, and expect our blood, sweat, and tears will eventually pay off. Not advancing? We do more. Then the bar is higher, not just for ourselves, but others have a higher bar for us too. We expect it’s going to get us noticed, but that’s not what happens, is it?

Christine:

Right. To bring it all together, I’m finishing a book called “Too Busy To Be Happy.” Ironic. Maybe you’ll understand why I feel like I’m an expert on this topic being too busy to be happy, but at the end of the day it’s juggling all of it and let’s say the bar that we put on ourselves, I still come back to, can you answer the question, “Are you happy?”

When we set expectations and standards that are so out of reach and then we start on that treadmill and we’re running, running, running, we end up losing sight of actually just being happy. I’ve made it a passion of mine to figure out how to be busy and happy. Somewhere along the line, the idea of this work-life balance thing came along and it made me feel like I needed to have a life on the top of a mountain and meditate for nine hours a day in order to be happy.

I felt like I was conflicted because I really love my busy life, but there are just moments where I no longer am happy. For me, it’s just trying to find out how do we be busy and happy. Not feeling quite so exhausted all the time.

Sarah:

It’s so important to be both busy, and not feel guilty about that, and happy. When we aren’t, we often aren’t living our greatness and not recognizing ourselves. What are some of your best tips for people to be able to recognize themselves even when they feel like they’re busy and perhaps not getting it all done? How can they still recognize themselves?

Christine:

I think it’s going to sound really simple, but the prioritization of the things is important. When you look at the amount of energy we’re trying to expel on so many different priorities at the same time, the first thing I end up doing when I’m talking to somebody is coming back to, what are the most important things? Such as, “Okay. I need to be an awesome mom and deliver fantastic results at work, but are those are the only two things or do you also want health, friendships, and other things? What are the things most important to prioritize?

If you have a sick parent, over delivering just isn’t in the cards, right? It’s about survival. Understanding what are those two or three most important things that have to get done right now. It’s funny. You can take a look at your day where you’re spending your time and see how well aligned you’re spending your energy and time with the two or three things that are most important. To me, it’s the fastest way.

One of the things I do all the time is I’ll say, “Open up your calendar. Where have you been for the last week or so? Let’s take a look at where you’ve been spending your time.” It’s almost instantly an “ah ha” moment for people when they’re feeling too busy to be happy.

Sarah:

I just want to take a moment to acknowledge, Christine, that in your busy day, you still valued and prioritized our relationship and our conversation.

Christine:

One of the things I’ll say on that note, it’s so funny because I’m very particular about where I spend time and energy. But if a relationship is bringing good energy and it actually raises my energy level versus depletes my energy level, I prioritize it. That relationship goes way up in my importance of things to do. I think that’s been one of the biggest things that actually helps me manage my stress levels. Our relationship is energizing for me. It made the top of my list when I did have a free moment to do a VLOG. Thank you so much for being a part of it. And thanks for the great work you’re doing helping people leverage recognition in themselves and at work.

Sarah:

If you want to learn more about Christine and her website is www.leaderinmotion.com. And we’ll be sure to keep you updated on Christine’s new book that’s coming out in early 2019! Christine, I hope you’ll come back for another interview!

Christine:

You’ve got it!

Three Tips for Deciding When to Say, “No.”

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“No”. Why it so difficult for so many of us to say such a little word?

It seems like such a small gesture, and yet, it can have a huge impact on our productivity, focus, and happiness.

As our work and home lives become busier, being confident and willing to say no is more important than ever. It’s essential so that we don’t burn out. It’s the key to staying in love with our work or business. It enables us to keep time for the things and people that matter most.

Now, on the surface, some might think folks struggle with a lack of assertiveness. In actual fact, the individuals I coach more often express that they worry they won’t appear professional, they’ll seem disloyal, or they’re not a team player.

Besides this not being the case, there are other consequences of saying yes to the wrong things. You can get burnt out. You can get resentful. You might get so buried in work no one notices you and the extras you’re doing (this is particularly true for women; for more on this check out Women of Influence’s research 7 Pitfalls of Women in Business)

When we say no, especially when we say no to the right things, then we can do a better job on the things we say yes to. When we focus on the things that are most essential, we can get them done more efficiently and faster, providing that positive dopamine hit in our brain allows us to move on to the next thing. Not only that, we role model for others as well as discern and evaluate the most effective and important things you need to do with your time.

The question is: How do you know what to say no to?

I know this dilemma all too well.

About four years ago, I had a meeting with my business mentor. It was a challenging point in my career. I had climbed the corporate ladder, had a great job and title, a healthy pension and pay cheque, and stimulating work. However, my family needed more than I was giving them. One of my kids had been, struggling with mental health challenges for years and it reached the tipping point. But what could I do? I was in a senior leadership role and had a huge workload, carrying a pager 24/7 and feeling the weight of a growing workload on my shoulders. This was what I signed on for, though, and it was non-negotiable.

Or was it?

My business mentor said to me, “If you had to cut out 15% of your time what would you give up?” My immediate response was, “nothing,” but she said, “I don’t believe it. I’m the CEO of an eight-figure company and I could cut 15% of my time from work if I needed to, so why can’t you?”

So, I did. In that moment I realized – with my expectations, desire to contribute, and attempt to become indispensable – was putting the 15% on myself.

How can you cut back 15%? Well glad you asked! Say no in order to say yes to what matters most by:

1.Evaluating What’s MOST Important

If you or someone in your family became seriously ill, if you moved jobs and you had to cut out 15%, what would you cut out? Make a list. If you don’t know, start keeping track of the things that don’t matter. As soon as you add it to the list, start making plans to cut it. If you could do it for someone you love, you can do it for yourself.

2.Hire and Ask for Help

Decide on and list the tasks that you don’t need to do. Tasks that eat up a lot of time, are fiddly and take you away from the things you need to focus on in your work and business. Unless you are the only one who can do it, you love it, or it’s your superpower, consider a plan for how to pass it on.

Remember, it may not be your talent and strength, but it’s someone else’s. Give them a chance to shine. Give them a job. Give them a stretch assignment. Keep track of those things that you’re doing that you don’t love, things someone else can do better and more efficiently for you, and find the right person to take it off your hands!

3.Creating a Prioritization List

When I get a client request, I go through my Greatness Priorities. It’s my prioritization list that helps me decide if it’s a job I should say yes to or no to (often helping the client more by referring it on to someone who is a better fit in expertise or cost). It’s a mindset of “earning the yes” rather than scarcity thinking of accepting work out of fear.

To give you a sense of a list, here’s mine in order of most important:

I get asked to do a lot of things for free or at a seriously discounted fee. Not only will that mean I can’t stay in business for long, it takes time away from the people that motivated me to start this biz in the first place (my family). There’s only so much of me to go around – time and energy-wise.

What are your priorities? What makes a request an easy yes and what, when you think about it, makes for an easy no?

Would you like a few more tips to help you decide what you say yes and no to? Jump over to the Cool Stuff tab on my website for an infographic (you may want to share it with your colleagues and spouse!)

Three Ways You Can Enjoy a Family-Centric Business

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I know many entrepreneurs, whether it was a side hustle or a full-time business, who started out excited, optimistic and energized about what their business could do for their life and that of their family. Family-centred entrepreneurs who had high hopes (as they should!) to bring in a good income, travel (combining work and pleasure) and improve their lifestyle. Yet, the reality I hear so often is that people are frustrated. Not only are they not seeing these things, they wonder why they embarked upon their business in the first place.

It doesn’t have to be that way. But I can certainly relate.

In my first year of business, I had a mandate of being a family-centered entrepreneur. However, my lack of boundaries (a carryover from when I worked full-time) seeped into my entrepreneurship habits. I worked too many hours, sacrificed sleep, would forego fitness for a client request; I even accepted a speaking engagement in another province on my daughter’s 10th birthday. Sure, I had to make my business work (I had no Plan B), but the whole reason for making the change was to be more available to my family. What I was doing wasn’t working. Only I could change that.

It would be easy to think that I would have to make a trade-off. Earn less money to have more time. More family time or time for exercise. Grow small and steady and keep my ambitions at bay.

What I found, however, was that you can fall back in love with your business without sacrificing the things you want and need – a good income, a good lifestyle, a happy family. It starts with believing, from a place of abundance, that you deserve success of your own design, and that it can happen.

The alternative is that you feel resentful, exhausted, deflated. That you have no white space in your brain or time in your calendar for creativity and creation. That you let your health be sacrificed leading to problems on the short and long-term. That you feel you can never win, no matter how hard you try.

You can win. Your family can win. Let’s ensure your biz is working for YOU. (And BTW if you are reading this and you don’t have your biz open yet, no problem. I don’t want you to go through the mistakes I made…here’s the recipe to start as you mean to go on!)

Here are my top three tips on becoming and staying a family-centred entrepreneur without sacrificing profits, passion, and people-relationships:

Get clear on your priorities

When you have a request from a client, there has to be an order of priority in which you use to evaluate if that is the right client and the right engagement to accept. This includes anyone who has a side hustle in the gig economy of which we know by 2020 50% of us will be there. Here’s mine in order of what’s most important:

  1. Is it a family friendly fit?
  2. Does it fit with my expertise and passion?
  3. Does it pay what I’m worth? TIP: Click here for more on this topic.
  4. Do I like the client/company (is there an alignment in values)?
  5. Do I have capacity?
  6. Does this open the door to other opportunities?

If the answer is “no” to the first one, it’s unlikely I’ll proceed. To test it, I’ll go through the rest to be sure.

For example, I had the opportunity to spend a month and a half doing some pretty exciting international speaking and coaching work that would allow me to grow as an entrepreneur and exponentially grow my network. However, over a month away from my family, at a reduced fee, and it overlaps with a few client engagements (meaning I’d have to break my loyalty to them); by evaluating it against my priorities, it was an easy “no”. If I had tried to fill my schedule, add an exciting international twist to my biz and gain bragging rights for being on this tour, I might have said “yes”. See why it’s so important to know your priorities? It helps you when tempting opportunities and diversions arise that may be great, however, they aren’t necessarily great for you or great at that time given your current priorities.

Be open about being a family-centric entrepreneur

You want to attract clients and businesses that also prioritize lifestyle and family; by sharing that you are a family-centred entrepreneur, they may actually be more likely to want to work with you! Sometimes we worry they won’t; a scarcity mentality convinces us that we are lucky to have any work so don’t be too demanding. However, you will likely find what I’ve found, that they will respect you more for taking time to ensure client fit, that you are selective, and that you are making a conscious choice to work with them; by them knowing that you see that they are the right client, it sense an entirely different message than “I will work with anybody, doing anything.” Of course, it’s a two-way street, they have to pick you too. But why be in the running for something you don’t want anyway?

Being a family-centric entrepreneur is about being clear about what you hope your business does for you, because when you’re clear on that then you attract those opportunities. If you want to be able to travel more, if you want to be able to do creative things, if you want your family to be brought into the business more, those opportunities will become available to you.

Recently, I brought my daughter to a speaking engagement in another province. I worried at first the client would find my request, ‘unprofessional,’ but in actual fact, they thought it was a great idea! This professional association was mostly female with their demographic rapidly changing to an entrepreneurial model. It was perfect timing to have the keynote speaker share a visual message to the membership that they too could find ways to get the family involved in supporting their businesses! For us, it allowed my daughter to experience the direct benefit of my job, making her less likely to be resentful the next time I needed to travel for work, and my son is excited for when it’s his turn!

Family Shareholders

If you an incorporated official corporation, consider ways in which you can build shareholders into your business. Obtain some advice from your accountant, but what I’ve done is ensured the ‘Minute Book,’ of the corporation reflects that my nuclear family members are all shareholders. This means I can pay them for work they do in my business (e.g., shipping orders, putting handout packages together and editing videos.) Check out my friend, Tim Packer, a talented artist, who now has his son doing videos and social media full-time!)

Even if your family isn’t on the payroll, they likely give you business advice, support and help as needed, so you may choose to cover business meals and travel (we have included that we will have up to two Shareholder Meetings at a location inside or outside Canada in our corporation’s Minute Book to make it official and above board.) It gives us a reason to get away from our house, from the office, and take stock on important things like: what’s working and what’s not, what should be the priority projects for the year, review last year’s financials and project the upcoming year, and evaluate how well the business is working for everyone. Just don’t forget to record who you met with, what the meeting was about, and, if it’s a big expense, evaluate your profits against the expense to see if you can justify it! Again, I’m not giving you accounting advice as that’s not in my scope of practice; I’m just sharing what I’ve done.

This is what I do in my business to stay family-centred. Not only does it make my family less resentful of my business, they’re thrilled that my business is growing and successful. I love my business so much more because I’m not fighting against two worlds. You can be a family and lifestyle centred entrepreneur too (maybe you already are!) It’s not one or the other. It’s not career/business or family/lifestyle, it’s a both/and. Enjoy the best of both worlds. And that doesn’t mean it’s perfect all the time. If you strike the right balance 90% of the time you’re doing great! And the result: you’re satisfied and your business thrives.

Want to chat about how you can start or evolve your business to be more family-centred? Jump into my calendar for a 15-minute chat!

Three Hacks to Get Unstuck and Stay Motivated

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What happens when you’re feeling unmotivated? We all have days like that, and sometimes those days turn into weeks or months. Sometimes, it’s just the external environment that makes you unmotivated. Or it might be a rough patch in your personal life or professional career.

Lack of motivation and self-doubt can also seep in when we’re on a steep learning curve. Really any time we’re doing things outside of our comfort zone. We may get so unmotivated we just cannot take the next step. We get frustrated with ourselves and may even experience a lack of enjoyment; the struggle, the difficulty to keeping on keeping on, the plugging through it leaves us wondering – “is it just me?” We look around and see all these motivated people so happy and accomplishing great things. It deflates us further (for another VLOG, are those people quite so contented?)

In other words, when we’re feeling unmotivated, we see we’ve got a problem on our hands.

Or do we?

Consider this. Maybe it’s actually a cue to take a look at our life and see what expectations we have of ourselves, whether it be tasks, inflated hopes and high expectations.  Maybe it’s a chance to consider if we’re really happy and if our life and career is working as it should. Maybe it’s a chance to ask, “what can I let go of?” It’s also an opportunity to revisit what’s working, what’s worked in the past, and make shifts to fix a few things.

One of the greatest gifts of being unmotivated is that you get a chance to ask yourself, “How have I been on autopilot?”

For those of you who run your own businesses, keep your household going, are leaders or have an organization depending on you, you may feel an extra sense of responsibility to keep your motivation level high. Here are some suggestions that I use in my own life and share with my coaching clients when they find themselves unmotivated:

  1. Backtrack

Revisit the last time you were unmotivated. What helped you get back on track? You already have the answers within. You’ve done this already.

Four years ago, when we were going through a very serious family crisis, we had to make some pretty big decisions. I left my job to start my own business and the kids switched schools midway through the year as we moved to a new community. Circumstances and the monumental changes that were in front of us were exhausting, and many times, we were not motivated at all.

Looking back to that circumstance, understanding the steps we took to be able to figure out what that next path was, and to be brave enough to take it, makes it easier to follow those same steps now. In fact, I was so excited to do that, it got me so motivated to translate it into action, that I built a virtual program with all these steps called, “52 Weeks of Greatness: Satisfaction, Clarity, and Direction in Work and Life.” I work my own program because it worked in the past. What it reminds me is, if I could get through that difficult tie, I can get through other demotivating times. So, look at your own journey, about how you’ve been able to get motivated again because there’s gold in your experience.

  1. Practice a daily self-recognition ritual

When I first made the leap, I had no one telling me if I was on track or not. So, guess what I thought? I wasn’t on track! I had to start recognizing myself every day. Literally. I’d take a piece of paper (yes in the shape of a FROG) and acknowledge one thing a day that worked. At first, it was tough. Then it got easier and I’d think, “Oh I could write that down, and that thing, and that…”

How does this help with motivation? It celebrates your successes. It’s a concrete strategy or ritual that reinforces this too.

It’s like setting a goal. We’re more likely to do it when we make a decision and know exactly how to execute it in a simple way.  Then, when you achieve the goal (even if it’s a tiny one like writing an acknowledgement on a piece of paper), you get a dopamine hit, the juicy achievement chemical, that your brain loves which elevates your mood. Good mood increases motivation. See the cycle?

  1. Decide how you want to spend your time

Take a look at all the things that are taking up your time, particularly if you’re feeling overwhelmed; lack of motivation can come from being too busy and distracted – “where do I start?”

Ask yourself, “Is there something that I can put on hold or stop completely?” When I was feeling very overwhelmed, it almost paralyzed me from moving forward. What I noticed was that I had too many things on my plate for my business and that I was having to start making choices about family or work.

As a self-proclaimed family-first entrepreneur, I make choices every day about what to say yes and no to, which clients to work with, and even how far to travel for work based on fit with family and lifestyle. Leaving money on the table used to scare me (okay, it still sometimes does) but I am actually less motivated when I make more money but feel misaligned. What are your priorities? How can you use them to determine where you wish to spend your time and resources?

These are the top three things I suggest for you to get you back on track when you’re unmotivated. What additional tips do you have? Comment below.

Now, you may have read this not because you are the person who’s unmotivated. Maybe it’s somebody in your life. Maybe it’s somebody on your team, in your family, or a friend. Someone you know is a rock star yet they may not see it in themselves at the moment. Share this with them with a note you know this will pass and you hope these tips will help. And if it helps, I have three complimentary modules from the 52 Weeks of Greatness Program you, your friends and your colleagues are welcome to take (just click this link to take advantage of it)!

I hope you found this really helpful because:

Three Strategies to Tackle Busy

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I know you’re probably sick of hearing the words “I’m so busy”. You’re sick of feeling busy. You’re sick of compromising your time with your family or your fitness for pressing obligations.

Well, I have an idea for you. I can’t take away the obligations, but I do have an idea how you can prioritize. A way to make you can feel more in control. An approach that enables you to make more conscious choices with your time.

Grab a fresh sheet of paper or your tablet and open Evernote. Map out a four-box grid. On one axis write ‘awareness’. On the other write ‘importance’

Mapping Priorities

At first, we’re probably not even truly aware of what we’re spending all of our time on. Begin to list things and place them where they fall in terms of how important it is and how consciously aware you are when you’re doing it. Ideally, you want high awareness and high importance (e.g., paying your bills on time). Some things are important but we’re not aware (e.g., helping your kids with a problem). Other things are not important but you’re very aware (e.g., attending a meeting with no agenda or direction). Yet other things are not important and there’s little conscious intention to it (e.g., scrolling through Facebook).

You could pick one day and note activities as they come up or you have greater awareness you’re doing them. When you map it out and begin to notice how you spend your time, you can reflect on what you notice. How much is in each quadrant? How can you reduce low importance and low awareness activities? If you add up the time of these activities, bingo, you’ve officially got more time for what’s most important (that is, if you commit to reducing or eliminating these busy-making activities).

So how do you actually break the habit of spending less time on unnecessary “busy activities”? Here are a couple of suggestions:

Use the timer.

Set your timer on an activity that’s low awareness and low value. Give yourself a limited amount of time to, say, check Instagram, find a birthday gift, or write a briefing note. It’s amazing how efficient and even enjoyable an activity can be when we’re getting the most from it in a limited amount of time.

Set aside time in your calendar.

To prioritize the most important activities, especially ones that require boosted awareness, fit it into your calendar. Find ways to protect your time. important things you need to do and protect in your calendar.

Delegate tasks.

If there are still things that need to be done but you begin to realize you are not necessarily the person who needs to do them, consider how you can delegate them. Contract them out, ask for family’s help, renegotiate workloads and the work of coworkers and staff. Ideally, what is left are priorities that require your skill set and your greatness. Sure, there will be times you will do things that someone else could do, but I’m convinced there are way more things just about every North American can delegate. Why do I think that? Because I used to do it all myself and was miserable. Now I delegate almost everything unless I really can’t (just yet). It’s not always easy (I may like things done a certain way), but it’s necessary.

In the end, I’m grateful every day for all the people who make my life easier on a daily basis. My cleaner/home organizer, kids (dishwasher one and dishwasher two as they sometimes call themselves), husband, virtual assistant, videographer, web designer, mother (AKA illustrator and sometimes cake maker for fundraisers), father (AKA graphic designer and sometimes renovator), book editor, co-author, bookkeeper, accountant, financial planner, travel agent, coaches, and the list goes on. None work with me full-time but they each do their part to make my personal and professional life smoother and allow me to live a more conscious, happy and calmer (and less busy) existence. A few years ago, I never would have thought I would spend thousands every month on support, but I realize now, the peace of mind and calm that goes with it is priceless. And, having the energy, creativity, and focus in my business actually generates more money than if I took it all on myself anyway. No loss, right?

2017-06-26 Strategies in Time

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How are you going to get everything done in a day?

Perhaps more to the point, ‘How are you able to go to sleep at night, wondering and worrying, “Did I get it all done?”

You may be thinking: there are many books, seminars and systems out there about time management and efficiency, why are we still talking about this? And yet, aren’t there days you wonder how the list keeps getting bigger rather than smaller? [Read more…]

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