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Tall Poppy Syndrome: How to Stand Out When Others Try to Knock You Down

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Tall poppy syndrome has always concerned me, I just never knew there was a term for it when I used to see it in school, at work, and in volunteer roles. Tall Poppies are individuals who stand out, offer great ideas, shine brightly, and want to contribute, however, the effort of standing out, they sometimes get knocked down. This happens enough times – either because of the culture or no one being there to stop it – and tall poppies cower for safety versus shine with the greatness.

You may be thinking, this makes no sense! Why wouldn’t we want everyone to contribute their best!

Or you may be thinking this sounds familiar. “Is she talking about my workplace?” or perhaps, “Has she met my colleagues?”

Prior to starting my own business, I worked most of my career in healthcare where I saw many Tall Poppies knocked down a peg or two. My husband’s a teacher, and he’s experienced this in his career too. These are a collectivist culture where there is an unspoken norm that, as a whole, it is better to go along with the crowd than it is to stand out. In fact, sometimes people are even hesitant to move into management roles because it is such a juxtaposition to how they have been working for so many years that it feels like the risk isn’t worth it.

What is the cost? Great people become disengaged. Good people leave. Toxic behaviours set in and remain unchecked. Continuous improvement flatlines. Productivity reduces. Customers (of whatever shape or form that is in your industry) are not served as well.

How can you shine brightly without being shunned, bullied, or pushed aside and made to feel small because you’re standing tall in your greatness? And how can you innovate, make things better in your workplace, and really find your own version of satisfaction by being able to share your great ideas and demonstrate how much you love your career and your work?

Here are three key things to help fuel your determination:

1.Recognize Your Own Greatness

Whether people want to see it or are able to recognize it all around you, that is important, however, nothing’s more important than you being able to recognize your own greatness. And sometimes that means finding places outside of work where you’re able to shine greatly. What I’ve seen over the years when individuals have suppressed their greatness, is they disengage, not just at work, but in their personal life. They may stop doing things they love, and stop taking care of themselves or even believing that they deserve it. So self-recognition and doing things that add joy to your life is essential.

2. Recognize Other People

If you don’t want to stand out from the rest, it doesn’t have to be public recognition. What we find in collectivist cultures is one-on-one private recognition that people appreciate more. So thank somebody, offer to help, acknowledge something specific that they’ve done and that you appreciate. Acknowledging or recognizing people not only makes them feel good, but it also makes you feel good and allows you to shine and stand out without feeling there is a hidden agenda. When someone hasn’t had their opinions, ideas, talents, and passions valued for quite some time, but you do, it builds loyalty, nurtures their greatness, and increases their engagement; everyone needs to feel what they do and who they are matters.

3. Gossip More

Wait a minute, isn’t gossip bad? Yes, if it is negative, but resource gossip is good. Resource gossip is talking positively about someone when they’re not there. The more you do it, the more you can acknowledge other people and how they stand out and shine to others. Tall Poppy Syndrome doesn’t work when a few people see and honour someone’s greatness; it requires someone to be isolated and on their own. When you and others speak positively about someone, you stand taller with him or her. In other words, you’re able to acknowledge people as standing out and doing a great job without them putting the spotlight on him or herself, embarrassing them if they’re humble (some people find it difficult to receive a compliment particularly if others are present), or making it seem like it is for some personal gain.

I hope you found these strategies to be helpful. Stand out in your greatness and in the group that you work in. Discover the incredible value of collaboration and teamwork and embrace the benefits of that collectivist culture without the downsides of Tall Poppy Syndrome.

Want to stop Tall Poppy Syndrome? Talk about it. Share this post. Make it transparent.

But I’m Exhausted: How to Recognize Yourself and Others’ Even in Overload

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An interview with special guest, Christine Laperriere, owner/founding partner of Leader In Motion and Executive Director of Women of Influence Advancement Centre. Christine is passionate about Women’s Advancement and helping them learn how to stay happy despite being so busy.  Learn more about the mindset and strategies needed to get through it all.

Sarah:

Today, I’m pleased to introduce you to my amazing colleague Christine Laperriere, the head of Leader In Motion. We were going to talk about something that we’re so passionate about- women’s advancement and the lack of recognition – but here’s the thing; we’re both showing up at 4:30 in the afternoon at the end of the week exhausted and we’re exhausted! Instead, we’re going to have a real conversation here about what it’s like when you are fatigued and the lack of recognition that comes when that happens.

Christine:

We can definitely have a talk about that because that is top of my mind right now. Doing all this work with the Women of Influence Advancement Centre is a big part of my day job. I coach women through their careers to help them move into promotions. It’s amazing because here I am; I’ve got a screaming toddler and an eight-month-old baby who’s teething right now. Basically, I’m juggling it all. Sometimes the idea of advancement in the first place is just exhausting.

Sarah:

It’s fleeting moments when we consider: why would anyone want to advance?

Christine:

True, When you are thinking, you have more than I can possibly handle. Please, I don’t need anymore! I see this a lot when I’m coaching women. I see them struggle with being exhausted and under these incredible demands and feeling like they don’t want any additional responsibility. They don’t want any additional leadership. I just got off the phone earlier this morning when a coaching client went from an individual contributor to over the last year and a half she was given a team of 10 and then another team of 10 and then another team of six.

Meanwhile, she’s a busy mom at home raising children. She just said, “All I need to do is get as much done as I possibly can in a day so that I can get home and be a mom,” which is another important job for me. Sometimes I think to myself, “How do we do this? How do we do this all?”

Sarah:

I too see with coaching clients that they internalize this: if I can’t get it all done I’m a bad contributor or I’m a bad mom or terrible spouse. It’s amazing how many of us look around and think others must have it figured out. Not only is it rarely true, but it also robs us of the opportunity to recognize our greatness, what we are doing well and what we are doing right.

Christine:

It’s definitely a matter of understanding how to manage the standard that you’re going to hold yourself to when you’re juggling more than one thing. I think one of the things that I was talking to her about was how, before I had kids, it was easy to find four extra hours. Not that my life outside of work wasn’t very important, but there were other things that I could try to delay, move or reschedule. Unfortunately, I can’t reschedule a teething eight-month-old! I don’t get the luxury of coming home from work and finding four additional hours while I’m juggling a teething eight-month-old. It’s interesting how the idea of balance, like the standard that we set on ourselves, it has to be modified for the number of demands that we’re carrying. The bar that I used to jump in my career was much higher. Today, it’s got to be a little bit lower so that I can manage it all. I need to be pretty good at a lot of things versus awesome at everything. I’ll raise the bar again next week when his teeth are here.

Sarah:

Maybe we realize the expectations don’t have to be that high anyway. Maybe we actually have much higher standards than we need to. Because one of the things that I’ve learned through the work you do in supporting women’s advancement and the research is that what holds women back is that we put our heads down, keep working harder, and expect our blood, sweat, and tears will eventually pay off. Not advancing? We do more. Then the bar is higher, not just for ourselves, but others have a higher bar for us too. We expect it’s going to get us noticed, but that’s not what happens, is it?

Christine:

Right. To bring it all together, I’m finishing a book called “Too Busy To Be Happy.” Ironic. Maybe you’ll understand why I feel like I’m an expert on this topic being too busy to be happy, but at the end of the day it’s juggling all of it and let’s say the bar that we put on ourselves, I still come back to, can you answer the question, “Are you happy?”

When we set expectations and standards that are so out of reach and then we start on that treadmill and we’re running, running, running, we end up losing sight of actually just being happy. I’ve made it a passion of mine to figure out how to be busy and happy. Somewhere along the line, the idea of this work-life balance thing came along and it made me feel like I needed to have a life on the top of a mountain and meditate for nine hours a day in order to be happy.

I felt like I was conflicted because I really love my busy life, but there are just moments where I no longer am happy. For me, it’s just trying to find out how do we be busy and happy. Not feeling quite so exhausted all the time.

Sarah:

It’s so important to be both busy, and not feel guilty about that, and happy. When we aren’t, we often aren’t living our greatness and not recognizing ourselves. What are some of your best tips for people to be able to recognize themselves even when they feel like they’re busy and perhaps not getting it all done? How can they still recognize themselves?

Christine:

I think it’s going to sound really simple, but the prioritization of the things is important. When you look at the amount of energy we’re trying to expel on so many different priorities at the same time, the first thing I end up doing when I’m talking to somebody is coming back to, what are the most important things? Such as, “Okay. I need to be an awesome mom and deliver fantastic results at work, but are those are the only two things or do you also want health, friendships, and other things? What are the things most important to prioritize?

If you have a sick parent, over delivering just isn’t in the cards, right? It’s about survival. Understanding what are those two or three most important things that have to get done right now. It’s funny. You can take a look at your day where you’re spending your time and see how well aligned you’re spending your energy and time with the two or three things that are most important. To me, it’s the fastest way.

One of the things I do all the time is I’ll say, “Open up your calendar. Where have you been for the last week or so? Let’s take a look at where you’ve been spending your time.” It’s almost instantly an “ah ha” moment for people when they’re feeling too busy to be happy.

Sarah:

I just want to take a moment to acknowledge, Christine, that in your busy day, you still valued and prioritized our relationship and our conversation.

Christine:

One of the things I’ll say on that note, it’s so funny because I’m very particular about where I spend time and energy. But if a relationship is bringing good energy and it actually raises my energy level versus depletes my energy level, I prioritize it. That relationship goes way up in my importance of things to do. I think that’s been one of the biggest things that actually helps me manage my stress levels. Our relationship is energizing for me. It made the top of my list when I did have a free moment to do a VLOG. Thank you so much for being a part of it. And thanks for the great work you’re doing helping people leverage recognition in themselves and at work.

Sarah:

If you want to learn more about Christine and her website is www.leaderinmotion.com. And we’ll be sure to keep you updated on Christine’s new book that’s coming out in early 2019! Christine, I hope you’ll come back for another interview!

Christine:

You’ve got it!

Three Tips for Deciding When to Say, “No.”

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“No”. Why it so difficult for so many of us to say such a little word?

It seems like such a small gesture, and yet, it can have a huge impact on our productivity, focus, and happiness.

As our work and home lives become busier, being confident and willing to say no is more important than ever. It’s essential so that we don’t burn out. It’s the key to staying in love with our work or business. It enables us to keep time for the things and people that matter most.

Now, on the surface, some might think folks struggle with a lack of assertiveness. In actual fact, the individuals I coach more often express that they worry they won’t appear professional, they’ll seem disloyal, or they’re not a team player.

Besides this not being the case, there are other consequences of saying yes to the wrong things. You can get burnt out. You can get resentful. You might get so buried in work no one notices you and the extras you’re doing (this is particularly true for women; for more on this check out Women of Influence’s research 7 Pitfalls of Women in Business)

When we say no, especially when we say no to the right things, then we can do a better job on the things we say yes to. When we focus on the things that are most essential, we can get them done more efficiently and faster, providing that positive dopamine hit in our brain allows us to move on to the next thing. Not only that, we role model for others as well as discern and evaluate the most effective and important things you need to do with your time.

The question is: How do you know what to say no to?

I know this dilemma all too well.

About four years ago, I had a meeting with my business mentor. It was a challenging point in my career. I had climbed the corporate ladder, had a great job and title, a healthy pension and pay cheque, and stimulating work. However, my family needed more than I was giving them. One of my kids had been, struggling with mental health challenges for years and it reached the tipping point. But what could I do? I was in a senior leadership role and had a huge workload, carrying a pager 24/7 and feeling the weight of a growing workload on my shoulders. This was what I signed on for, though, and it was non-negotiable.

Or was it?

My business mentor said to me, “If you had to cut out 15% of your time what would you give up?” My immediate response was, “nothing,” but she said, “I don’t believe it. I’m the CEO of an eight-figure company and I could cut 15% of my time from work if I needed to, so why can’t you?”

So, I did. In that moment I realized – with my expectations, desire to contribute, and attempt to become indispensable – was putting the 15% on myself.

How can you cut back 15%? Well glad you asked! Say no in order to say yes to what matters most by:

1.Evaluating What’s MOST Important

If you or someone in your family became seriously ill, if you moved jobs and you had to cut out 15%, what would you cut out? Make a list. If you don’t know, start keeping track of the things that don’t matter. As soon as you add it to the list, start making plans to cut it. If you could do it for someone you love, you can do it for yourself.

2.Hire and Ask for Help

Decide on and list the tasks that you don’t need to do. Tasks that eat up a lot of time, are fiddly and take you away from the things you need to focus on in your work and business. Unless you are the only one who can do it, you love it, or it’s your superpower, consider a plan for how to pass it on.

Remember, it may not be your talent and strength, but it’s someone else’s. Give them a chance to shine. Give them a job. Give them a stretch assignment. Keep track of those things that you’re doing that you don’t love, things someone else can do better and more efficiently for you, and find the right person to take it off your hands!

3.Creating a Prioritization List

When I get a client request, I go through my Greatness Priorities. It’s my prioritization list that helps me decide if it’s a job I should say yes to or no to (often helping the client more by referring it on to someone who is a better fit in expertise or cost). It’s a mindset of “earning the yes” rather than scarcity thinking of accepting work out of fear.

To give you a sense of a list, here’s mine in order of most important:

I get asked to do a lot of things for free or at a seriously discounted fee. Not only will that mean I can’t stay in business for long, it takes time away from the people that motivated me to start this biz in the first place (my family). There’s only so much of me to go around – time and energy-wise.

What are your priorities? What makes a request an easy yes and what, when you think about it, makes for an easy no?

Would you like a few more tips to help you decide what you say yes and no to? Jump over to the Cool Stuff tab on my website for an infographic (you may want to share it with your colleagues and spouse!)

Three Hacks to Get Unstuck and Stay Motivated

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What happens when you’re feeling unmotivated? We all have days like that, and sometimes those days turn into weeks or months. Sometimes, it’s just the external environment that makes you unmotivated. Or it might be a rough patch in your personal life or professional career.

Lack of motivation and self-doubt can also seep in when we’re on a steep learning curve. Really any time we’re doing things outside of our comfort zone. We may get so unmotivated we just cannot take the next step. We get frustrated with ourselves and may even experience a lack of enjoyment; the struggle, the difficulty to keeping on keeping on, the plugging through it leaves us wondering – “is it just me?” We look around and see all these motivated people so happy and accomplishing great things. It deflates us further (for another VLOG, are those people quite so contented?)

In other words, when we’re feeling unmotivated, we see we’ve got a problem on our hands.

Or do we?

Consider this. Maybe it’s actually a cue to take a look at our life and see what expectations we have of ourselves, whether it be tasks, inflated hopes and high expectations.  Maybe it’s a chance to consider if we’re really happy and if our life and career is working as it should. Maybe it’s a chance to ask, “what can I let go of?” It’s also an opportunity to revisit what’s working, what’s worked in the past, and make shifts to fix a few things.

One of the greatest gifts of being unmotivated is that you get a chance to ask yourself, “How have I been on autopilot?”

For those of you who run your own businesses, keep your household going, are leaders or have an organization depending on you, you may feel an extra sense of responsibility to keep your motivation level high. Here are some suggestions that I use in my own life and share with my coaching clients when they find themselves unmotivated:

  1. Backtrack

Revisit the last time you were unmotivated. What helped you get back on track? You already have the answers within. You’ve done this already.

Four years ago, when we were going through a very serious family crisis, we had to make some pretty big decisions. I left my job to start my own business and the kids switched schools midway through the year as we moved to a new community. Circumstances and the monumental changes that were in front of us were exhausting, and many times, we were not motivated at all.

Looking back to that circumstance, understanding the steps we took to be able to figure out what that next path was, and to be brave enough to take it, makes it easier to follow those same steps now. In fact, I was so excited to do that, it got me so motivated to translate it into action, that I built a virtual program with all these steps called, “52 Weeks of Greatness: Satisfaction, Clarity, and Direction in Work and Life.” I work my own program because it worked in the past. What it reminds me is, if I could get through that difficult tie, I can get through other demotivating times. So, look at your own journey, about how you’ve been able to get motivated again because there’s gold in your experience.

  1. Practice a daily self-recognition ritual

When I first made the leap, I had no one telling me if I was on track or not. So, guess what I thought? I wasn’t on track! I had to start recognizing myself every day. Literally. I’d take a piece of paper (yes in the shape of a FROG) and acknowledge one thing a day that worked. At first, it was tough. Then it got easier and I’d think, “Oh I could write that down, and that thing, and that…”

How does this help with motivation? It celebrates your successes. It’s a concrete strategy or ritual that reinforces this too.

It’s like setting a goal. We’re more likely to do it when we make a decision and know exactly how to execute it in a simple way.  Then, when you achieve the goal (even if it’s a tiny one like writing an acknowledgement on a piece of paper), you get a dopamine hit, the juicy achievement chemical, that your brain loves which elevates your mood. Good mood increases motivation. See the cycle?

  1. Decide how you want to spend your time

Take a look at all the things that are taking up your time, particularly if you’re feeling overwhelmed; lack of motivation can come from being too busy and distracted – “where do I start?”

Ask yourself, “Is there something that I can put on hold or stop completely?” When I was feeling very overwhelmed, it almost paralyzed me from moving forward. What I noticed was that I had too many things on my plate for my business and that I was having to start making choices about family or work.

As a self-proclaimed family-first entrepreneur, I make choices every day about what to say yes and no to, which clients to work with, and even how far to travel for work based on fit with family and lifestyle. Leaving money on the table used to scare me (okay, it still sometimes does) but I am actually less motivated when I make more money but feel misaligned. What are your priorities? How can you use them to determine where you wish to spend your time and resources?

These are the top three things I suggest for you to get you back on track when you’re unmotivated. What additional tips do you have? Comment below.

Now, you may have read this not because you are the person who’s unmotivated. Maybe it’s somebody in your life. Maybe it’s somebody on your team, in your family, or a friend. Someone you know is a rock star yet they may not see it in themselves at the moment. Share this with them with a note you know this will pass and you hope these tips will help. And if it helps, I have three complimentary modules from the 52 Weeks of Greatness Program you, your friends and your colleagues are welcome to take (just click this link to take advantage of it)!

I hope you found this really helpful because:

Wisdom From the Smartest and Most Grounded Woman on Earth…My Mum

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I am, of course, an adoring Grandmother and I think the world of my two Grandchildren and I imagine them happy and fulfilled as they grow and mature, developing skills and interests that will last their whole lives.

Recently we were all visiting other family members and were travelling together in the family car. Justin and I were chatting away and he said that he couldn’t do something that we were discussing. So, rather than just say, “Oh, sure you can” and leave it at that, I thought that perhaps a description of a life experience that I had at his age might be helpful and encouraging. [Read more…]

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