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Guest Blog Post – How to Be Resilient During Family Crises

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By: Summer Masterson-Goethals, Masterson Law

As a family lawyer and mediator, I deal with situations that can become overwhelming for all parties. Divorce, child custody battles, visitation modifications, paternity and the like are all high-stress issues that take a high toll on members of the family. Crises can tear families apart, but they can also have the exact opposite outcome and bring the family closer together. The way these situations are handled determines the ultimate result.

In this blog, I discuss strategies for you to use to help your family stick together and be resilient during tough times.

One of the invaluable tools that you can use during tough times is the concept of recognition. What this essentially means is acknowledging what is great, not only in yourself but also in those around you.

Unleashing the power of Forever Recognize Others’ Greatness™ (F.R.O.G.), as described by recognition expert Sarah McVanel, is key to getting through tough times. Recognizing the greatness in yourself, as well as in your family members, can help identify strategies that turn negative situations into ones that promote cooperation, unity, productivity, and equal contributions.

Here are four ways to use the concept of recognition to help you get through tough family situations:

1.Do something unexpected. Make a nice gesture like offering a small gift or bringing a favorite snack for him or her to eat during a long negotiating session.

Surprising, unexpected acts like this send a positive message that says, “Yes, this isn’t fun, but thank you for your efforts.” It shows that you appreciate their commitment to working things out, even when negotiations become testy. It demonstrates that you understand the sacrifices that everyone will have to make.

2.Utilize a Think Tank Approach. When faced with a family crisis, sit down with other family members, even the kids, to determine what you’re doing right. Then, brainstorm together about what you can do differently or improve upon.

View this not as a complaint session, but as a time to generate positive ideas. By asking for feedback, you show family members that you value their opinions. It provides everyone with a sense of ownership.

Ideas and feelings that come out of such sessions can be surprising. You may find out that others have similar feelings to your own, or that your efforts have been more appreciated than you thought.

3.Recognize Everyone’s Strengths. Learn more about yourself by taking this free survey provided by the Via Institute on Character. Ask your family members to do the same. By taking this 15-minute survey, everyone will find out their best character qualities and learn how to use those strengths to foster well being.

This exercise is particularly helpful when you feel stuck and need new ideas. By mapping out your strengths, you can help everyone get through the trying times.

4.Measure and celebrate milestones. Breakthroughs are critically important. Reaching an agreement or getting through that tough situation is a big accomplishment. Note when you make progress to avoid feeling burned out.

Recognize how far you’ve come. Be mindful that you make these simple acts of recognition for everyone’s efforts. This helps everyone do their best no matter how tough things become. Celebrate, and do something to make everyone feel good about it.

Employing some of the points listed above helps you to recognize the good qualities in each family member during tough times, often when they least expect it. Recognize accomplishments and celebrate them, no matter how small they may be. Brainstorm and ask for input. This can be especially helpful with children who may feel lost in the process.

Also, employ the increasingly popular technique of mindfulness. This can also help everyone get through family crises. Mindfulness will encourage you to take an honest look at yourself and help you recognize what your strengths are. Don’t forget to ask family members for support when you’re feeling low. Finally, journal and make lists of successes that occur along the way to help you monitor your progress. It can serve as an excellent reminder of all the positives in life.

Summer Masterson-Goethals is an experienced divorce attorney at Masterson Law serving families, businesses, and individuals in Springfield, Missouri.

Five ways to retain top talent during fast-paced growth

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How do you keep up recognition of your top talent even when your business is growing at an exponential pace?

This is a question I have been asked by hundreds of individuals, leaders and business owners over the last few months. The assumption being: we don’t have time for recognition during growth cycles.

But I would question the assumption underlying the question.

Recognition needs to be front and centre all the MORE when your team, organization or industry are growing and the pace is exceedingly busy. This is when you need your best people the most, and it’s also one of the times you’re most at risk of losing them.

When your focus is not on recognition, it can lead to your most needed and valued people feeling like just a cog in the wheel of growth. They may feel like giving up and burning out. They may begin to wonder, “could the grass be greener on the other side?” The fallout: intention to leave.

Ironically, simple acts of recognition can help to insulate against fatigue and keep people motivated to do their best even during those exceedingly busy times. When your organization or industry is in a period of exponential growth, taking on more and more, that is exactly when you need your top talent the most, focused, implementing and performing. You cannot afford to lose your best people any time, and certainly not when you’re growing.

But leaders think they have no time. They cannot fit it in and certainly, can’t afford to not do it. And, the fallout (e.g., recruitment) is way more time consuming than simple acts of acknowledgement.

Recognition can help insulate against burnout and fatigue and provide an opportunity to see how scalable your recognition efforts are. Consider:

  • How committed are you to making sure that your best people know they’re appreciated and valued?
  • What is your people philosophy on the long-term?
  • What do you want your people to be saying about the organization on the other side of your current growth cycle?

It’s a great opportunity to ensure your vision for the future keeps your people at the forefront. And here are some ways to ensure recognition now helps retain them so they stay with you later.

  1. Provide the unexpected

When your best people go the extra mile, do something unexpected, surprising and personally meaningful. For example, you have a core team working late for a few weeks, sacrificing a lot. The surprise recognition gesture: send dinner home to their families.

Think about it. They miss dinner with their families. Someone has to pick up the slack at home. Many people don’t like cooking (or certainly the dishes that follow). When your top people go home to smiles versus upset kids and spouses, they’re less frustrated about the extra time. And the cost is pretty low in the grand scheme of things.

Dinner sent home sends a message to the employee that you recognize and appreciate the extra effort and commitment. It sends a message to the family that you understand the sacrifice they’re making and appreciate them too. It also sends a message throughout the company that even though sometimes you have to ask people to work longer hours, it doesn’t mean you expect people to be married to the job; when you have to take time away from family, that will be acknowledged versus expected.

  1. Have a milestone celebration!

As much as you may have this huge growth, stop and celebrate. It doesn’t have to be a long pause. The importance of that pause is remembering how far you’ve come since the last time you took a pause. It’s that sense of accomplishment, that hit of dopamine, that allows you to feel the sense of success. Otherwise, it just feels like there’s more to do, and you get overwhelmed; the path to burnout.

I spoke for a client at a milestone event, celebrating progress so far on a long, onerous project (where no wins were that visible yet) after a multi-company merger. The energy in the room and appreciation for taking the time to break bread together, hear a non-work motivational speech and get to know each other on a social level was appreciated by every person I spoke to. They all said, “They didn’t have to do this. But it matters that they did.”

I hope you’re doing shout-outs all the way along. That is not just for your leaders and the business owners, but it’s also for your colleagues as well. Peer-to-peer recognition is one of the easiest ways to keep recognition momentum going. When you have that, as you’re growing, it allows everybody to have an opportunity to keep that strong recognition culture afloat.

  1. Strategize using an employee think-tank

If you are finding that you’re growing so exponentially that you can barely keep on top of it, bring the employees together to strategize together. Ask things like:

  • What are we doing that’s working?
  • Is there anything that’s not efficient?
  • Is there anything we could be doing differently?

By asking for feedback (especially feedback that starts with an abundance mindset about what’s already working), you’re showing you value their feedback and they’re not just “worker bees”. Take the quick wins (even better encourage people most passionate about the quick wins to run with it) and put ideas into place right away. Keep that sense of ownership, that feeling of “I belong here despite the changes”, alive and well.

Something like this if not geared at being a complaints session. It’s not a passive “suggestion box” type of idea. Rather a strategy and opportunities generation session. What you’ll find is, there are things taking away good people’s time and attention that really aren’t important, and you can likely get much of that cleared away so they can stay focused on the most important work needed for growth.

  1. Strength discovery is critically important

There’s a free, really valuable tool called the VIA Signature Strength Survey, although maybe you have already done a strengths tool. Look at the results and map out their individual strengths. Consider if they are well aligned with the work being done. While you’re growing, the easiest, most efficient way to maximize people’s talents is to leverage the strengths and expertise they already have. When you’re trying to work outside of your strengths and push yourself, on top of having a huge volume of work and tight deadlines, it’s exhausting and not as rewarding. Map out the strengths and try as best as you can to match your growth strategy to how you already have strengths within the organization.

  1. Measuring matters

Finally, find a way to have those performance milestones. Are you measuring performance and progress as you’re growing? Are you still measuring the cultural variables that individuals feel most strongly about preserving? Are you measuring both process and outcome measures (usually we like to measure the final product – outcome – but that doesn’t keep people going, nor does it allow for quick course correction, when measured in isolation).

What you measure matters. As you’re measuring it, as you’re going through those milestones, I hope that you have some of those “people measures” as well. And pull them into the celebration!

I hope these tips have been helpful as you continue to embrace recognition. What other suggestions do you have?  Pop them in the comments below.

For other free resources to help you keep recognition strong in your culture, feel free to hop over to my website for the Cool Stuff page and download many helpful tools to use even when you’re growing.

Four Ways to Connect Quickly: Having Conversations that Matter

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I’ve noticed a theme lately where people are asking, “How do we have more meaningful connections?”

Some theorize this is a backlash to Facebook and the “Gram” –  that people are just sharing the best face of their life to the world. Maybe I’ve just got the whole social media thing all wrong and I’m showing way too many warts and all. Really, I think we’re pointing our finger at the latest trend when actually we could be asking a more powerful question: “How do we have more meaningful connections?” That transcends trends and time.

We need to ask this question more than ever before. We are a distracted society. We’ve got our heads down checking our devices. We’re so busy that our attention is focused on the discussion about the most valuable commodity that we have today and that we are spending so much time in our cars, commuting to and from work, driving our kids to activities and just occupying our life that we’re not spending the time connecting with each other.

Yes!  There is an opportunity!

We can engage in meaningful dialogue, and build these relationships very quickly, even with perfect strangers. For those of us who are in business, we can find connections with people that potentially could be great clients through having a different approach to a dialogue. I mean, how many times has somebody asked you, “How’s it going?“, and you just say, “fine” or “good“, but you aren’t! Or if you are it still deflates a potential powerful connection opportunity.

When we engage in meaningful dialogue, where we seek to understand, connect and learn about the other person, we ask different questions than people having transactional dialogue. And that’s how you get noticed. These conversations are what people remember. You stand out because you cared just a little bit more. You are memorable because of what you discussed.

We’re not used to having these conversations though. When I coach entrepreneurs to have more meaningful conversations when they’re networking, conversing with a potential client or even in their personal lives, they’re worried they’ll come across as “nosy”, “pushy” and put people off. But consider this: do you like benign small talk? No way! Do you like realizing that you have something in common with a perfect stranger? Yes! So, what if you could make this connection at the same time it takes to have meaningless small talk? And what if it led to a cool new relationship, partnership or even a sale?

Consider this unique and great formula – “F.R.O.G.” (no not my normal FROG – Forever Recognize Others’ Greatness™) – this time it’s an easy to remember formula of the four areas that you can relate to just about anyone on. In fact, you can download a list of questions that fall under each of these four here.

F – Family & Friends

Family and Friends. If you ask or start a conversation inquiring about people’s family and friends, people are so much more interested in having that conversation. It could just be, “So, what are your kids into?” You may find within three shares back and forth that you have a lot of things in common.

R – Recreation

Recreation. What do you do outside of work, or what do you do for fun? What did you do when you were a kid? What would you do if you had a windfall of $10,000? There are all kinds of questions that allow you to connect on a human level, and to learn about what that person most values because that’s how they spend their very limited and precious discretionary time.

O – Occupation

Occupation, and not just “what do you do?” You can learn that from visiting someone’s LinkedIn profile. It’s more than that. What do you love about your job? Why did you choose that degree? Did you take a different career path? You’d probably learn something about their journey that would benefit you, but also, it’s questions that people don’t normally ask individuals, particularly as they’re networking and building relationships for the first time.

G – Goals & Passions

Goals and passions. What do you think will be the most important achievement that you will have in your career? Do you have anything on your bucket list that you want to accomplish this year? Whether somebody has a bucket list or not, they probably have heard of the concept and they can come up with something. Again, by understanding what somebody is super jazzed about, how cool would it be to have a conversation about that rather than the weather?

If you were to add a fifth area to build out some meaningful connection questions, what would it be? What is your favorite question to ask or be asked?

I hope that’s been helpful for you in having a conversational framework that you can plant in your head the next time you go to a networking meeting, meet new colleagues, in a sales meeting, or want to have a deeper, more meaningful connection. If you go to my website’s, Cool Stuff page, I’ve put together some questions underneath the F-R-O-G that you can put in your toolkit and effortlessly practice using those strategies.

Want another dose of authentic connection? Why not subscribe to receive the Greatness Magnified newsletter and my YouTube channel to get your dose of greatness every week!

Three Hacks to Get Unstuck and Stay Motivated

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What happens when you’re feeling unmotivated? We all have days like that, and sometimes those days turn into weeks or months. Sometimes, it’s just the external environment that makes you unmotivated. Or it might be a rough patch in your personal life or professional career.

Lack of motivation and self-doubt can also seep in when we’re on a steep learning curve. Really any time we’re doing things outside of our comfort zone. We may get so unmotivated we just cannot take the next step. We get frustrated with ourselves and may even experience a lack of enjoyment; the struggle, the difficulty to keeping on keeping on, the plugging through it leaves us wondering – “is it just me?” We look around and see all these motivated people so happy and accomplishing great things. It deflates us further (for another VLOG, are those people quite so contented?)

In other words, when we’re feeling unmotivated, we see we’ve got a problem on our hands.

Or do we?

Consider this. Maybe it’s actually a cue to take a look at our life and see what expectations we have of ourselves, whether it be tasks, inflated hopes and high expectations.  Maybe it’s a chance to consider if we’re really happy and if our life and career is working as it should. Maybe it’s a chance to ask, “what can I let go of?” It’s also an opportunity to revisit what’s working, what’s worked in the past, and make shifts to fix a few things.

One of the greatest gifts of being unmotivated is that you get a chance to ask yourself, “How have I been on autopilot?”

For those of you who run your own businesses, keep your household going, are leaders or have an organization depending on you, you may feel an extra sense of responsibility to keep your motivation level high. Here are some suggestions that I use in my own life and share with my coaching clients when they find themselves unmotivated:

  1. Backtrack

Revisit the last time you were unmotivated. What helped you get back on track? You already have the answers within. You’ve done this already.

Four years ago, when we were going through a very serious family crisis, we had to make some pretty big decisions. I left my job to start my own business and the kids switched schools midway through the year as we moved to a new community. Circumstances and the monumental changes that were in front of us were exhausting, and many times, we were not motivated at all.

Looking back to that circumstance, understanding the steps we took to be able to figure out what that next path was, and to be brave enough to take it, makes it easier to follow those same steps now. In fact, I was so excited to do that, it got me so motivated to translate it into action, that I built a virtual program with all these steps called, “52 Weeks of Greatness: Satisfaction, Clarity, and Direction in Work and Life.” I work my own program because it worked in the past. What it reminds me is, if I could get through that difficult tie, I can get through other demotivating times. So, look at your own journey, about how you’ve been able to get motivated again because there’s gold in your experience.

  1. Practice a daily self-recognition ritual

When I first made the leap, I had no one telling me if I was on track or not. So, guess what I thought? I wasn’t on track! I had to start recognizing myself every day. Literally. I’d take a piece of paper (yes in the shape of a FROG) and acknowledge one thing a day that worked. At first, it was tough. Then it got easier and I’d think, “Oh I could write that down, and that thing, and that…”

How does this help with motivation? It celebrates your successes. It’s a concrete strategy or ritual that reinforces this too.

It’s like setting a goal. We’re more likely to do it when we make a decision and know exactly how to execute it in a simple way.  Then, when you achieve the goal (even if it’s a tiny one like writing an acknowledgement on a piece of paper), you get a dopamine hit, the juicy achievement chemical, that your brain loves which elevates your mood. Good mood increases motivation. See the cycle?

  1. Decide how you want to spend your time

Take a look at all the things that are taking up your time, particularly if you’re feeling overwhelmed; lack of motivation can come from being too busy and distracted – “where do I start?”

Ask yourself, “Is there something that I can put on hold or stop completely?” When I was feeling very overwhelmed, it almost paralyzed me from moving forward. What I noticed was that I had too many things on my plate for my business and that I was having to start making choices about family or work.

As a self-proclaimed family-first entrepreneur, I make choices every day about what to say yes and no to, which clients to work with, and even how far to travel for work based on fit with family and lifestyle. Leaving money on the table used to scare me (okay, it still sometimes does) but I am actually less motivated when I make more money but feel misaligned. What are your priorities? How can you use them to determine where you wish to spend your time and resources?

These are the top three things I suggest for you to get you back on track when you’re unmotivated. What additional tips do you have? Comment below.

Now, you may have read this not because you are the person who’s unmotivated. Maybe it’s somebody in your life. Maybe it’s somebody on your team, in your family, or a friend. Someone you know is a rock star yet they may not see it in themselves at the moment. Share this with them with a note you know this will pass and you hope these tips will help. And if it helps, I have three complimentary modules from the 52 Weeks of Greatness Program you, your friends and your colleagues are welcome to take (just click this link to take advantage of it)!

I hope you found this really helpful because:

Intergenerational BS – People are people

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I’m calling B.S!

Yes, you heard it. I’m typically all about Greatness, but I am just infuriated with something that we keep talking about… intergenerational differences.

What is it that we are doing in our workplaces that are fueling this B.S. of intergenerational differences?

  1. Blaming one generation over another

Are we placing blame in the wrong place? Instead of blaming one group that doesn’t work hard, and on the other hand, one works too hard, let’s address the root causes. Perhaps, there is no work life balance or clear job roles and responsibilities. If we get those things right, then it doesn’t matter what generation we’re from.

  1. Ignoring the similarities

When we come together to get work done on a day-to-day basis; new projects and innovations, we’re not pulling people together based on their strengths. We’re pulling people together based on this strange scheme of generations.

  1. Excuses

We’re making excuses for legitimate issues. If people feel we shouldn’t be spending 60 hours a week working, then maybe we shouldn’t be. Maybe we should look for permanent solutions to make everybody’s job more satisfactory, balanced, and reduce duplication in order to improve the workplace. I’m not saying that there aren’t differences. What I’m trying to say is, it excuses legitimate issues that we could deal with and put a fix into long-term, if we were trying to address what the real cause is.

Instead, we should be making it about seeing the greatness in everyone. As you know, F.R.O.G. stands for Forever Recognize Others Greatness™. And I don’t have in brackets, “Except if they’re of a different generation, make fun of them.” There’s no caveat here. Everybody has greatness, so when we look for it, see it, and acknowledge it (as opposed to looking for differences) we’re better able to contribute value and know that we are valued.

Focus on what’s working, as opposed to where there are gaps and miscommunications. There are so many times throughout the day when we rock it, and yet we don’t focus on those things. Instead, we tend to focus on the few times it’s not working well.

I hear so often that Millennials don’t work hard, and that they are all about themselves. Well, I know lots of Millennials who are uber committed. So instead, let’s focus on greatness for all. Let’s focus on where we’re similar and performing well.

Focus on what’s working, as opposed to what’s not. Look at the exceptions to those generalities. Anything that people say and they label, i.e. Millennials, Veterans, it doesn’t matter what group. Look for the exceptions to the rule to demonstrate that, in fact, not everybody is that easily categorized.

And remember, it starts with the first step. If we are typically used to dividing the generations, what’s our first step towards bridging the gap if our work environment has a very strong intergenerational divide?

Consider this… we wouldn’t put up with it if it were about race, gender, religion, or any other way in which we have, in the past, categorized people as good or bad. So why on Earth would we tolerate it with our different generations?

Beware the Seven Recognition Roadblocks

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Welcome back to Your Greatness Magnified!  This week we’re talking about the recognition culture roadblocks that many organizations experience.

I want to steer you from these roadblocks and help you retain your best people!  Avoid spending money on programs and systems that perhaps people are not identifying with.  Find ways to recognize that are meaningful to them and make them feel valued. I want to help you avoid finding yourself in a talent shortage if you’re not already. So, let’s get past those roadblocks because this helps to get at some of the root issues in your culture that will allow you to retain your best people and maximize any investment you make in recognizing your staff, leaders, and customers!

How do you make sure that the investment is worth it?  We all know that of course, you don’t have an infinite amount of resources to be able to recognize. Here are some of the things that I see most commonly that make me cringe:

  1. Recognition is all head-office driven.

People aren’t looking for “the corporation” to recognize them. They want the people they report to and work with to see the value they’re contributing. They want that personalized, timely acknowledgement in the moment by their peers or their direct supervisor. If that’s missing, all the corporate virtual portals, milestone events or plaques will mean little and certainly not compensate for a lack of human connection.

  1. Focusing on the short-term fixes.

Some organizations I work with are going through tough times. However, sometimes scarcity and worry can distract from looking at the big picture; in times of austerity, a lack of long-term thinking may lead to a decision to cut an element of a recognition program that is actually working well. For example, an incentive system for finding efficiencies and continuous improvement. A short-term focus – saving money today – may cost you money and people tomorrow. This isn’t to say good ideas will dry up, but it can send a message that conservation is paramount over innovation; what you focus on matters.

  1. Recognition is the leader’s job.

It has been well established that the person people most want to be recognized by is their direct supervisor. However, a close second is peers. After all, who knows your contribution best? Those who see you adding value every day – peers, customers, partners and the like.  And yet, often these opportunities for acknowledgement pass us by. Furthermore, it’s not sustainable if recognition is all at a leadership level.

  1. Not prioritizing recognition.

It’s the corner of the desk phenomenon. Yes, I will get to recognition, I’m just going to do it after I finish this and get that project off my plate and once things slow down… Instead, let’s make recognition super easy. It’s as simple as more often saying thank-you (95% of people say that’s how they want to be acknowledged). Yes, there are lots of additional ways you can add in recognition easily and seamlessly (I’ve shared with you, in past posts, how other organizations have built recognition into their cultures and daily work to the point it’s owned by many so takes on a life of its own).  It doesn’t have to be a whole initiative, project or new task. Just say thanks. Start there, or do it more, and see what results you get.

  1. “Too busy” to recognize.

I’m “too busy” to do this, I’m “too busy” to do that. Don’t you hear that a lot? Don’t you say that a lot? And sure, we’re all too busy. I mean, my teenagers think they’re busy (they have no idea!) We’re all too busy and yet, if you’re too busy to value and recognize the people that give so much to you, then it will catch up with you by way of more on your plate in the form of recruitment, mentoring and retraining when your best people leave.

  1. Letting past failed attempts stop you from trying again.

Past failed attempts – when you tried to recognize somebody they didn’t seem to appreciate it, when you brought in a cake and nobody showed up to the ceremony, when you started a team meeting with acknowledgement and folks instead started complaining – can dampen your enthusiasm and deflate your efforts. Well, if you’re a parent, have you tried a parenting technique and had to give it a go more than one time for it to start to have an impact? Of course! I have yet to try something that works perfectly the first time with my kids! Have you ever tried to start a new fitness routine and had a couple of false starts before you really got going? Of course! If you had failed attempts with recognition and have a story in your head that you don’t know how to recognize or a particular approach doesn’t work, just try again to authentically recognize your people. See if you can rewrite that story.

  1. Too many levels of approval.

Approval bottlenecks where there are too many steps, gatekeepers or policies in place that stop recognition from happening or slows the process down are, well, ridiculous (may I be frank?) Sure, it’s important to make sure that there’s a good fiscal use of resources. However, does every message, award, token of appreciation require manager approval? Why? And do your managers have that kind of time? What makes managers the best gauge of who deserves what? Seems a bit old school transactional approach to management doesn’t it? Take a look at your policies and procedures in recognition. If there’s at least two levels of approval, you know your process alone is killing off any chance of a recognition culture.

Of these seven roadblocks, what exists in your workplace and culture? What is one thing that you could impact or do differently? Now, why not send a text, email, pick up the phone, write a note or go for a walk and tell one of the rock stars in your world why you don’t want to lose them and why they matter.

Want more tools and resources? Join us every week for more VLOGs by being a member of Greatness Magnified by signing up today www.greatnessmagnified.com. Grab dozens of free resources too on our “Cool Stuff” page.

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