Do you give yourself credit about the tremendous impact you have on other people?

For those of you that liked the ‘Compassion Fatigue’ videos we released a few months ago, this is for you. As you will recall, Compassion Fatigue happens when you give so much of yourself, you are so generous and caring, that when you give more of yourself you get depleted. You don’t leave enough back for yourself.

Being in a state of compassion fatigue deserves no blame. It means you’re amazing. The trick is, you need to be able to shift and pivot, so that we can start saying “yes” to ourselves, and not just prioritize others, work and tasks over yourself. Easier said than done, right?

It’s a habit. Habits take work to change.

What I want to encourage you to consider is to prioritize yourself without telling yourself a story that it’s selfish and feeling guilty about it. Remember, this is how you’re going to have enough energy and resourcefulness for other people and all the many commitments that you have in this world.

I have three strategies to help you do just that. I have combined all of these strategies in one document, because I bet you and your colleagues, and the other members of your community would benefit from having these tools at their fingertips, so download that from my website.

1. Say “Yes”

How do you say “yes” if you are not prioritizing yourself? Let’s start by asking: Are you saying “yes” to the right things?

I find myself asking this question a lot.

An example: When I became an adult, I told myself there were things I needed to leave behind. To stop saying “yes” to. I don’t think anyone told me this. I just did.

One of those things was dancing. As a child and teen, I danced all the time, by myself, with friends, in classes…well, badly and in between! I was accepted to a performance arts high school for dance, then switched majors and left it behind. I went to university, picked it up for a bit, and left dance behind. I started salsa dancing with my husband; we moved to a new community and left it behind. See the pattern?

And yet, dance fuels me up. You’ll have your own thing (golf, knitting, hiking…) It hit me around the age of 40 that I was missing something, an important part of me. And I committed to learning how to tap dance until I got good enough to do it in front of 500 people. That was my goal. Before I get there though, I’m saying “yes” to an important part of who I am.

What fills your cup? Say yes to those things, and make them ‘Big Rocks,’ just like when we talked about Stephen Covey’s advice: prioritize the big rocks first.

2. Say “No”

Recognizing saying “no” is easier said than done. You don’t just say “no” to your boss or your kids or your carpool buddies and they don’t just say “we’ve been waiting all this time for you to say no!”

Think of the ability to say “no” as a gift. Not everyone in this world has the freedom to be able to say “no”. My readers have that luxury.

Also, it’s a gift because it’s a way to consciously decide what to do about the things you don’t enjoy, the things that aren’t a good fit, and don’t make life better for you and others around you. Things that deplete and exhaust you to the point you can’t even sustain those things you’re saying “yes” to. It’s your opportunity to really examine: do I need to do this? Or perhaps more importantly, why do I feel I need to do this?

Here’s an example: My brother-in-law came for a visit when I had my first baby. I was in the kitchen making bread, and he walked in, stopped dead in his tracks and asked, “What on earth are you doing?”

“I’m baking bread. I like it, it tastes good, it’s cheaper…”

He held up his hands. “Hold it right there Sarah. There is no reason YOU need to bake bread. Don’t tell me there isn’t a bakery in this community where you can’t afford a loaf of bread, and it’s not going to taste as good as the bread you can make.”

It was like a wake-up call. He showed me I don’t need to give so much of my energy to things that aren’t important, and I have the right to sit down during the time that I would be baking bread, or hanging out with my baby, or with him, or any number of other things I want to do, and need to do in my life.

Say “no” to the things that don’t really matter (e.g., spending another half hour on emails before you leave work for the day, making you late for dinner in a fruitless attempt to “catch up”). Say “no” to things that don’t make life better for you and the people you love.

3. Say “Maybe”

There’s probably lots of things you are really interested in, causes you are passionate about, or a difference you want to make. If you try to spread yourself so thin, what kind of impact can you have on any one of those things?

Let’s say somebody invites you to be part of an important committee. Tell them, “Let me check back with my family team, and then I will be able to confirm with you. How’s Monday?”

Somebody asks you to donate, and you’ve never heard of this charity. It sounds really great. Tell them, “Oh my gosh, that’s amazing, let me check it out. I want to learn more about what you do, and I’ll get back to you.” (The “gosh” is optional….)

Buy yourself a little bit of time. It still allows you to say, “Yes,” if that’s the right thing, but it’s a lot easier to say, “Yes,” after you’ve said, “Maybe,” than it is to say, “No,” after you’ve said, “Yes.”

Those are the three tips for this week.

I’m Sarah McVanel. Be well, and be great.

Do you have enough time to do the important things in life?

The things that fill you up leaving you more resourceful? The biggest priorities in your life?

I ask because the number of amazing people I work with – coaching clients, those who approach me after a keynote, friends and associates – who express they are struggling to find time to do the most important things in life is huge. And it’s standing in the way of not only their happiness, but sometimes their health and certainly their greatness.

Today I’d like to jump in by sharing my first three tips. Let’s set some context first.

Stephen Covey talks about having time for the “big rocks” in life. These are the MOST important things, your top priorities. Put them in your cup first and the other important day to day things that you need to make time for, those go in next; the pebbles.  After that, all the other small things, the little details in life; emails and other minutia is like grains of sand that you pour in and it fills around the edges of your pebbles and big rocks.

What people describe to me is happening in their lives, is their life is so full of sand, the pebbles barely fit (or are sources of stress to cram in) and the big rocks don’t fit at all. What happens when that is the case?  You probably don’t feel fulfilled.  Maybe you are feeling guilty that some of those important things, like time with family, are getting pushed to the side.  You double your efforts.  Maybe you are staying late at your job, you’re trying to make sure you are burning the candle at both ends, you are sacrificing sleep so you can get to your kids’ games and also be able to see the recital and making up the time and…it’s exhausting, right?  How do we get to a point where we can prioritize those important things including the big rock of…ourselves?

If you just felt a shiver down your spine, that the idea of examining how you’re spending your time, knowing you need to make adjustments, including prioritizing yourself, makes you feel a bit nauseous, it’s probably because you are telling yourself that it’s selfish.  What if having time for you was the most important thing you could do for all the other people around you?  What if you were the most important rock?  If you think about that metaphor, are you not a rock to other people and do you not hold things together at your work, in your family and in your community?

How can you prioritize yourself and the most important things in life?

1. Know your Rocks

Know unquestioningly, what the big rocks are in your life? Stand for them.

2. Schedule time for the Big Rocks

If fitness is your big rock, schedule time in to do your exercises. Are you treating it like a pebble to be filled in somewhere else or is it a grain of sand you are trying to fit in around other day to day things?  Schedule the important things into your week and also into your life on an ongoing basis.  Book these things now, even if it doesn’t need to happen for a year or two, get it into your life.

3. Find an Accountability Partner

I bet you have one already!  To use the fitness goal again, if you have somebody to run with you, if work is one of the biggest things in your life, could you perhaps plan your professional development with somebody you trust?  Anything that’s important to you, you can ask for the support of someone to ensure you achieve what you want to achieve.  After all, if you can’t make yourself a priority by doing those three things (identify your big rocks, schedule in the time, and find an accountability partner) then you are losing the battle.

You are worth it! When you recognize your own greatness and value the time you need to spend on the important things in life, you will be that much more resourceful to other people. That’s why I’d challenge anyone if they think practicing these strategies are selfish. It’s actually the least selfish and most resourceful thing you could do to support all those who depend on you.

On my website, you will find “Ten Tips to Prioritize What’s Important in Work and Life”, a great one-page,  visual resource that you can print off, post in your office and share with your colleagues.  Simply use your log in to access the downloadable resources page!

I encourage you to subscribe to my You Tube Channel and visit my website for more great resources! See you next week for more on how to prioritize the important things, and ultimately, make way for greatness!