2017-07-03 Getting Over Fear to Realize Your Greatness Vision

June 22, 2017 by Sarah McVanel Leave a Comment

Welcome back to Your Greatness Magnified. Work. Family. Life.

Today we’re talking about living your purpose. Have you ever had a dream that you’ve started on, that you are ambitiously moving toward; it’s so juicy, it’s so great, and then, as you feel yourself moving toward this greatness, you get cold feet? You wonder whether you can really achieve it. Is it too big, or too ambitious?

Well, I’ll admit, I have. In fact, I really need a bit of help from you. My family and I have made a lot of changes. I left my job, started my own business—going great! We moved to the country-our family is able to be in nature all the time! We have shifted our lifestyle-we have more time with each other! Our kids are doing better, and are all healthier, and spend more time with family and friends. All good. Right?

Yes, and….

One of the core anchors to the dream of this new beginning is a beautiful barn. You see, in this vision, my work was going to be in one place and my home in another. I was going to get some work life balance. I was going to be able to facilitate retreats and training on our beautiful property, in the barn. It was going to be a sanctuary, for me and for my clients.

No matter how excited I get, however, all of a sudden, I’m fearful. I roadblock progress. I keep looking at this barn, physically and metaphorically, as a mess. I get stuck in the muck. Why?

Because of one of my greatest fears: debt.

We had to get out of a lot of debt when we jumpstarted our new life; selling our cottage, our house, and everything we didn’t need to make this new dream a reality. Now, we’re faced with the fact that if we move ahead with renovating this beautiful barn, we will add risk and stress to our existence with new debt.

The ironic thing is, I teach people about a solution focused approach; to look at all the many things that are working and then identify just 1 or 2 things that aren’t. Whatever adjustments you make, don’t change the things that are working. Don’t get caught down the rabbit hole of seeing life for its problems. Look for possibilities and opportunities. That, after all, is where creativity, innovation and satisfaction lies.

We need to be the student of our own teachings sometimes.

And there’s more. As much as we’ve had more family time, the idea about getting into debt with this barn has created tension in my relationship with my husband. He loves to renovate, and wants to do this for me! And yet, I try to slow him down. Don’t get me wrong – we’re good. It’s just my fear shoves its way into our conversations. Not fun.

So instead of looking at the rubble, how do I force myself to look at what’s most important, the barn? And support my husband to spend time doing what he loves (in turn using his love language of “acts of service”). Granted, the building is not perfect – the chimney’s crumbling, the roof needs replacing, one whole wall is rotting – but if look past all that, I see the potential. The opportunity. The dream coming to live in vivid technicolour.

The question is: how do we look at all the things that are working as a way of being able to get energy and power to be able to face our fears? To see that, in fact, maybe the opportunity is to get past them; that I had to feel this stifled, this challenged, this frustrated, right now, so that I could finally overcome this paralyzing fear of debt.

So, I am going to try it. We’re going to move ahead. I’m going to face my fears.

Do you have more tips? Suggestions for me about how to face our fears? Share them in the comments please! We all have fears. Let’s not let them stifle our greatness.

Is there something you’re facing, that you’re challenged with, that we could try to help you with? Share and let us help.

Really, so much of life is a matter of what you choose to focus on, isn’t it? Do you look at the mess, the rubble, and all the broken bits, or do you look up at the big vision, and big dream? I know which direction I will try to keep in focus. What about you?

2017-05-29 You Have More Impact than You Realize!

May 26, 2017 by Sarah McVanel Leave a Comment

Do you give yourself credit about the tremendous impact you have on other people?

Have you had people in your life come back to you and say that you really did impact them, or perhaps were even able to share with you the specific things you said to them; and the stories that maybe you have even forgotten about, but they were really huge to that person?

I share this with you because often times in these VLOGs we are talking about where we’re not quite meeting the mark, especially in a workplace context. There is another side to this story, and that is that there are moments in every single day where we’re making a huge difference and we have no idea what kind of impact we can make to others.

I showed up to a speaking engagement a few weeks ago, booked about a week in advance, for a group of engineering students of which I have never had the privilege of speaking to before. All I could do was be myself. No time for new material or interviewing clients. All I could do was present on what I know.

The topic we discussed was recognizing and leveraging your own and others’ greatness, and starting from a place of self-recognition first. The amazing thing I heard from so many of those students afterward was that this was the first time somebody had said to them, “You have uniqueness that’s amazing! It’s your choice what you choose to do with it. Follow your own greatness as your key to a most successful, happy career.”

One student came up to me at the end of my talk. She had been hanging back, a little bit shyer, and kept a little bit of distance between her and the other students. She slowly lifted her head, and said, “I want to tell you, I think I’ve figured it out.”

“That’s great. What did you figure out? What did you learn?”

She replied, “Well, I kind of always knew I needed to be a teacher, and I started to have the conversation with my parents a few times, but something always stopped me. They want me to be an engineer. I realized, though, as I was listening to you, the word that kept popping into my head the whole sixty minutes was teacher. Teacher. Teacher. I need to be a teacher! I’m ready to go and have that conversation with them. I know the things that would make me a good engineer—loving math and being very logical – will make me a great teacher. I know I can really help students by being able to tell them, and support them to learn it. That’s what I’m excited about. That’s what I’m going to be good at in this world, and I just want to thank you.”

I bet you too have all kinds of examples and stories like that in your life, where people have appreciated something you have done for them. Do you know how much of an impact a few words have had on others? It’s important to remember, because as much as our day to day world can be full of tasks, and stress, and distractions, it’s those impactful moments that we need to pause and step out of our shell, and remember: if we choose to, we can have huge impact.

Be well, and be great.

2017-05-22 Important Things Part 2

May 15, 2017 by Sarah McVanel Leave a Comment

For those of you that liked the ‘Compassion Fatigue’ videos we released a few months ago, this is for you. As you will recall, Compassion Fatigue happens when you give so much of yourself, you are so generous and caring, that when you give more of yourself you get depleted. You don’t leave enough back for yourself.

Being in a state of compassion fatigue deserves no blame. It means you’re amazing. The trick is, you need to be able to shift and pivot, so that we can start saying “yes” to ourselves, and not just prioritize others, work and tasks over yourself. Easier said than done, right?

It’s a habit. Habits take work to change.

What I want to encourage you to consider is to prioritize yourself without telling yourself a story that it’s selfish and feeling guilty about it. Remember, this is how you’re going to have enough energy and resourcefulness for other people and all the many commitments that you have in this world.

I have three strategies to help you do just that. I have combined all of these strategies in one document, because I bet you and your colleagues, and the other members of your community would benefit from having these tools at their fingertips, so download that from my website.

Say “Yes”

How do you say “yes” if you are not prioritizing yourself? Let’s start by asking: Are you saying “yes” to the right things?

I find myself asking this question a lot.

An example: When I became an adult, I told myself there were things I needed to leave behind. To stop saying “yes” to. I don’t think anyone told me this. I just did.

One of those things was dancing. As a child and teen, I danced all the time, by myself, with friends, in classes…well, badly and in between! I was accepted to a performance arts high school for dance, then switched majors and left it behind. I went to university, picked it up for a bit, and left dance behind. I started salsa dancing with my husband; we moved to a new community and left it behind. See the pattern?

And yet, dance fuels me up. You’ll have your own thing (golf, knitting, hiking…) It hit me around the age of 40 that I was missing something, an important part of me. And I committed to learning how to tap dance until I got good enough to do it in front of 500 people. That was my goal. Before I get there though, I’m saying “yes” to an important part of who I am.

What fills your cup? Say yes to those things, and make them ‘Big Rocks,’ just like when we talked about Stephen Covey’s advice: prioritize the big rocks first.

Say “No”

Recognizing saying “no” is easier said than done. You don’t just say “no” to your boss or your kids or your carpool buddies and they don’t just say “we’ve been waiting all this time for you to say no!”

Think of the ability to say “no” as a gift. Not everyone in this world has the freedom to be able to say “no”. My readers have that luxury.

Also, it’s a gift because it’s a way to consciously decide what to do about the things you don’t enjoy, the things that aren’t a good fit, and don’t make life better for you and others around you. Things that deplete and exhaust you to the point you can’t even sustain those things you’re saying “yes” to. It’s your opportunity to really examine: do I need to do this? Or perhaps more importantly, why do I feel I need to do this?

Here’s an example: My brother-in-law came for a visit when I had my first baby. I was in the kitchen making bread, and he walked in, stopped dead in his tracks and asked, “What on earth are you doing?”

“I’m baking bread. I like it, it tastes good, it’s cheaper…”

He held up his hands. “Hold it right there Sarah. There is no reason YOU need to bake bread. Don’t tell me there isn’t a bakery in this community where you can’t afford a loaf of bread, and it’s not going to taste as good as the bread you can make.”

It was like a wake-up call. He showed me I don’t need to give so much of my energy to things that aren’t important, and I have the right to sit down during the time that I would be baking bread, or hanging out with my baby, or with him, or any number of other things I want to do, and need to do in my life.

Say “no” to the things that don’t really matter (e.g., spending another half hour on emails before you leave work for the day, making you late for dinner in a fruitless attempt to “catch up”). Say “no” to things that don’t make life better for you and the people you love.

Say “Maybe”

There’s probably lots of things you are really interested in, causes you are passionate about, or a difference you want to make. If you try to spread yourself so thin, what kind of impact can you have on any one of those things?

Let’s say somebody invites you to be part of an important committee. Tell them, “Let me check back with my family team, and then I will be able to confirm with you. How’s Monday?”

Somebody asks you to donate, and you’ve never heard of this charity. It sounds really great. Tell them, “Oh my gosh, that’s amazing, let me check it out. I want to learn more about what you do, and I’ll get back to you.” (The “gosh” is optional….)

Buy yourself a little bit of time. It still allows you to say, “Yes,” if that’s the right thing, but it’s a lot easier to say, “Yes,” after you’ve said, “Maybe,” than it is to say, “No,” after you’ve said, “Yes.”

Those are the three tips for this week.

I’m Sarah McVanel. Be well, and be great.

2017-05-15 Important Things Part 1

May 10, 2017 by Sarah McVanel Leave a Comment

Do you have enough time to do the important things in life?

The things that fill you up leaving you more resourceful? The biggest priorities in your life?

I ask because the number of amazing people I work with – coaching clients, those who approach me after a keynote, friends and associates – who express they are struggling to find time to do the most important things in life is huge. And it’s standing in the way of not only their happiness, but sometimes their health and certainly their greatness.

Today I’d like to jump in by sharing my first three tips. Let’s set some context first.

Stephen Covey talks about having time for the “big rocks” in life. These are the MOST important things, your top priorities. Put them in your cup first and the other important day to day things that you need to make time for, those go in next; the pebbles. After that, all the other small things, the little details in life; emails and other minutia is like grains of sand that you pour in and it fills around the edges of your pebbles and big rocks.

What people describe to me is happening in their lives, is their life is so full of sand, the pebbles barely fit (or are sources of stress to cram in) and the big rocks don’t fit at all. What happens when that is the case? You probably don’t feel fulfilled. Maybe you are feeling guilty that some of those important things, like time with family, are getting pushed to the side. You double your efforts. Maybe you are staying late at your job, you’re trying to make sure you are burning the candle at both ends, you are sacrificing sleep so you can get to your kids’ games and also be able to see the recital and making up the time and…it’s exhausting, right? How do we get to a point where we can prioritize those important things including the big rock of…ourselves?

If you just felt a shiver down your spine, that the idea of examining how you’re spending your time, knowing you need to make adjustments, including prioritizing yourself, makes you feel a bit nauseous, it’s probably because you are telling yourself that it’s selfish. What if having time for you was the most important thing you could do for all the other people around you? What if you were the most important rock? If you think about that metaphor, are you not a rock to other people and do you not hold things together at your work, in your family and in your community?

How can you prioritize yourself and the most important things in life?

Know your Rocks

Know unquestioningly, what the big rocks are in your life? Stand for them.

Schedule time for the Big Rocks

If fitness is your big rock, schedule time in to do your exercises. Are you treating it like a pebble to be filled in somewhere else or is it a grain of sand you are trying to fit in around other day to day things? Schedule the important things into your week and also into your life on an ongoing basis. Book these things now, even if it doesn’t need to happen for a year or two, get it into your life.

Find an Accountability Partner

I bet you have one already! To use the fitness goal again, if you have somebody to run with you, if work is one of the biggest things in your life, could you perhaps plan your professional development with somebody you trust? Anything that’s important to you, you can ask for the support of someone to ensure you achieve what you want to achieve. After all, if you can’t make yourself a priority by doing those three things (identify your big rocks, schedule in the time, and find an accountability partner) then you are losing the battle.

You are worth it! When you recognize your own greatness and value the time you need to spend on the important things in life, you will be that much more resourceful to other people. That’s why I’d challenge anyone if they think practicing these strategies are selfish. It’s actually the least selfish and most resourceful thing you could do to support all those who depend on you.

On my website, you will find “Ten Tips to Prioritize What’s Important in Work and Life”, a great one-page, visual resource that you can print off, post in your office and share with your colleagues. Simply use your log in to access the downloadable resources page!

I encourage you to subscribe to my You Tube Channel and visit my website for more great resources! See you next week for more on how to prioritize the important things, and ultimately, make way for greatness!

Compassion Fatigue – Part 2

January 11, 2017 by Sarah McVanel 4 Comments

Watch the VLOG here!

Last week, I told you about compassion fatigue and I asked you,

“Are you burnt out?”

For those of you who are in caring professions such as, doctors, nurses, social workers, child protection workers, teachers, educational assistants; I could go on. To the folks who are constantly giving so much of themselves: Are you burnt out? Are you beginning to suspect the early signs of burnout? Are you tired, are you anxious, are you worried, is it affecting your sleep, your appetite? Are you not enjoying your job; wishing that you didn’t have to go in? These are all some of the signs.

In fact, I have a resource I’d love to give you.

It’s a compassion fatigue tool where you can take a look at what are the signs of compassion satisfaction, and those signs of early onset compassion fatigue, right through to the signs of full on compassion fatigue.

I want to offer you that resource; it’s actually a tool we reference in our workbook, “The Frog Factor.” It’s a tool that I think you’ll find really valuable to be able to gauge (for you, or to be able to share with your colleagues) how well you’re doing – and this is a moving spectrum and a moving scale because you may always be at a different state.

I want to share a few strategies with you that you can use to further add to your resiliency toolkit.

Of course, the first one . . .

. . . is to actually use the checklist, that’s pretty self-explanatory. But the other piece is to really encourage others to have a dialogue about it. How are we doing as a team, and what are the signs in our team that we may be compassion fatigued? In particular, if you’re having a really stressful day, maybe there is a critical incident, maybe there’s a really difficult conversation that needs to happen, or you’re short-staffed, or experiencing really high volumes? That’s the time you really need to take a pause and pull out that checklist and use it to gauge how you’re coping through those difficult situations.

The other piece is, reconnect with your joys.

Nobody can do this but you. Gauge things like: am I going to yoga (if yoga is your thing), or volleyball? Am I attending my book club, taking time out to have wine with my girlfriends or my boyfriends? Am I enjoying the things in life that fill my cup?

Remember I was telling you in the last VLOG that you need to put your own oxygen mask on first before you can help others? Imagine if you considered this; maybe it’s the least selfish thing you can do by doing those things that bring you joy to fill yourself back up before you go back out and provide support and service to others.

I encourage you to share this video with other caring professionals.

In fact, I’d even like to suggest you share with anybody who is in service. For example if you are in retail, or customer service – constantly providing yourself to be able to serve others – you could probably benefit from this as well, and from this resource that I have available for you!

I also want to encourage you to subscribe to this channel because I am committed to continually offering you tools and strategies so that you can fill yourself up; your own personal cup, and also your workplace’s so they are both as healthy and as productive as they can possibly be. After all, we spend more hours working than anywhere else so why not make it positive, right?

Thank you so much for watching and for sharing with anyone you know would benefit from this video.

My name Sarah McVanel. Be well and be great.

Compassion Fatigue – Part 1

January 11, 2017 by Sarah McVanel Leave a Comment

Watch the VLOG here!

Do you feel exhausted? Do you feel burnt out?

This (and next week’s post) goes out to the people who are so very near and dear to my heart: people who are in caregiving roles. In fact, anyone who is in the service delivery role, this is for you. If you do feel exhausted or burnt out, there’s a good reason for that. And you know what? It’s because you are awesome.

Has anyone told you that lately?

Maybe they have, but let me tell you why I say that. And it’s not just a general, patronizing statement of, “you’re awesome”. I really mean it because you care so much about your job, which is to care about other people. That’s why you’re tired. This is something we call compassion fatigue.

The challenging thing about compassion fatigue is…

. . . that we give so much to other people – family members, the people we serve, even our bosses and people who report to us. Even if nobody is reporting to you, I bet you’re helping students and other people who are making their way into this world.

You put so much out there; do you leave anything on reserve for yourself?

Do you practice your hobbies? Do you have shared interests with your spouse or other important people in your life? Do you take time to eat right and exercise? If you’re like a lot of caregivers I know, especially the ones who are burnt out, you’re putting those to the side because so many people depend on you.

What if I reminded you of one important thing that they tell you on every single flight (something that you’d know if you took time for a vacation, which is entirely possible you haven’t lately)? What if, heaven forbid, something happens and there’s a crash? When those oxygen masks come down from the ceiling do you put it on somebody else or do they tell you to put it on yourself first? That’s what we’re talking about here – how do you put your own oxygen mask on first?

Since you give so much to everybody else . . .

I want to give you a resource! I want to give you two exercises that you can use to embrace compassion fatigue. They come out of a workbook that I put together with another incredible, caring professional. Brenda Zalter-Minden spent her career in service in two ways; one as a social worker working with children and adolescents and next in organizational development helping teams in the caring professions being able to rejuvenate and find their passion again. So we have some tools and exercises that we want to offer. I want to give you those exercises so that you can use them for yourself and your teams. But I also want to give you three other strategies that work with the thousands of folks that I’ve worked with in my career.

1) Talk about it

Talk about it with the people that you work with. You don’t have to keep it inside wondering, is somebody going to figure out that I’m burning out? Talk about the symptoms and the strategies. Next week, I’m going to give you a download so that you can get more familiar with symptoms and strategies but for now, just start the conversation. When you’re not feeling yourself, it’s okay to mention that because I bet you any money other people, not only are going through it, but they can certainly relate.

2) Practice strategies of self-care

It sounds really easy and really obvious but when somebody reminds you to do it, do you? What if in fact it were going to be the thing that would allow you to keep coming back to work and doing the amazing work that you’re doing?

3) Make sure to reach out for help

If you’re at the point of extreme burnout there’s no point in continuing alone, to try to suffer on your own or with whatever resources you’ve tapped into. Sometimes it gets to a point where we need even more help. Whether it’s EAP, or someone you report to, whether it’s working with a peer who really knows what it’s like to have survived and come through compassion fatigue. Tap into that resource, because you don’t have to deal with it and suffer through it because why do you have it in the first place? Because you’re so incredibly great at what you do. You’re so caring and compassionate. You need to turn that inwards now.

I hope that you find this helpful. Stay tuned and also subscribe to my YouTube channel. Not only will you find another VLOG next week, but a whole bunch of other resources that are designed to help you and your workplace stay healthy and have a strong culture where you can do that amazing work that people depend on you for.

My name is Sarah McVanel. Be well and be great.