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Three Resources for Healthier ​Workplace Relationships

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Sadly, some people experience unhealthy working relationships. Perhaps even toxic.

One of the most common ingredients I see in toxic workplaces is a rigid mindset. And not just from the person being disruptive. It becomes like an infectious virus that spreads like a fog and gets into the cracks of the furniture. “She’ll never change.” “This place doesn’t do anything to fix these issues.” “Why bother?”

This rigidity is rarely accurate. And it’s never helpful.

So what to do when you’re feeling frustrated and unsure that things will improve? Here are a few resources I’ve come across in my almost 20-year career in organizational development and as a professional, certified coach. Of these three tools, pick the one that’s right for you and use in the context of dealing with some of the people in your life that aren’t a healthy influence.

  1. Fixed versus Growth Mindset

Carol Dweck’s infamous research around fixed versus growth mindsets, and her bestselling book Mindset can help us to see when our belief system is so rigid it’s unhelpful. It’s particularly powerful in helping us understand just how much a toxic force has seeped into our life – our thoughts, our attitudes, our emotions, our actions. They may have a very rigid black and white, unhealthy view of the world.  And we normally may not see things quite so black and white, but with toxic behaviours, often a rigid mindset begins to set in, at least about this person. It’s hard to come back from that.

Imagine if you had a growth mindset about your opportunity for your relationship and for your workplace, even for your team and how you collaborate. Consider the possibilities of what could be different. That truly is the epitome of a growth mindset.

2. The Choice Map

Another great book is called, Change Your Questions, Change Your Life by Marilee Adams. When in coaching school, we printed off the Choice Map and I cannot tell you how many hundreds of clients I’ve introduced it to since. When we take the learner path, it brings us to to considering what’s possible, what we most want and the best next step. This is in contrast to the judger path where the focus is on what’s wrong with this person, why don’t things work, why can’t I ever win? One gets us stuck in the judger pit which like quicksand and hard to get thoughts, attitudes and actions unstuck. The learner path, however, opens up and expands our thinking, allows empathy and creates action.

This shift in questions can be transformative in our relationships with people and our sense of help and effectiveness in those relationships.

3. Compassion Satisfaction versus Compassion Fatigue

Often, we find we have a hard time dealing with individuals because we are compassion fatigued and burnt out. I work with many people who are providing direct care, such as nurses, dietitians and doctors, as well as people in frontline service such as customer service, call centres, and hospitality. Middle managers too because if you’re a servant leader, you are providing a service to those who report to you.

Many people I work with are continually serving others and they don’t always have a lot left for themselves. If you’re compassion fatigued, it’s going to be hard to be resourceful and resilient when people push back, when people treat you with disrespect, or even misinterpret what people are saying when actually their intention isn’t to hurt us after all. If you’re not sure if you’re compassion fatigued or not, I have a tool and a resource for you on my website – as well as a few exercises. Check it to evaluate to what extent might you have some of the early signs, right through to some of the strong signs of compassion fatigue.

You see when you have a growth mindset, take the learner path, and work to stay compassion satisfied, what you’ll find is not only do you have healthier relationships, you’re also able to address unhealthy behaviours when they happen.

I hope you found these resources helpful. I’m sure you have tapped into them and you’ve experienced them and of course, if there’s something on the list I’ve missed, why don’t you comment below because together we can make sure that we’re in healthier workplaces and leading lives that allow us to shine and allows our greatness to be present every day.

Three questions to determine if you’re in burnout mode

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What do you do when you’re exhausted, tired and stressed, and you worry that burnout is right around the corner?

Many people experience this; people I coach, or who come up to me after a keynote and say, “I really want to be able to implement the things that you talk about, but I just don’t have anything left to give.” I get it. I’ve been there. You’re prioritizing too many things, for example, juggling kids, work, and volunteering. You are juggling so many things you’re making circus performers jealous! (In fact, I recently interviewed my speaker colleague Christine Laperriere who just released a book about burnout). You are doing the best you possibly can, and yet when you look at your life, tired at the end of a busy day, you worry it’s still not enough.

It is enough.

I was speaking with someone last week who was totally and utterly burnt out. And she knew it. She was getting up at 5:00am to get a jump on emails, leaving the house with her child in tow by 6:30am and at work by 7:30am. She worked through her lunches, attended meetings and crisis responding all day, only to come back to her office by 4:00pm to try to wrap things up and still leaving later than planned. She’d shoulder all the responsibilities of raising her child, then back to handling email with her laptop in bed. Too tired to even have a glass of wine (so it was serious). She woke up feeling defeated and went to bed feeling worse.

Can you relate?

So how do you get back to a place where you can be recharged enough to believe it again?

Well, to start off, I have a few free resources that will help:

  1. 10 Tips to Prioritize What’s Important in Work and Life
  2. Compassion Satisfaction to Compassion Fatigue Chart

You can find them here for download on my website. With these tools, you will have greater clarity. But what next? What more can you do?

Here’s five essential questions you can ask yourself to help you re-calibrate. These solution-focused questions enable you to get back to a resourceful place, feel hope, and take small steps forward.

  1. What do I most want?

What is the most important priority? Is it time for fitness? Getting more leisure in? Going back to school to switch careers? Getting enough sleep every night? Having more family time? Getting off the screen? Write down everything you want, asking yourself “what else, what else” until you are out of ideas. Then circle the three MOST important things you want.

  1. What is possible?

Under the three most important things you want, ask yourself what is possible? What could you do? Get up a half hour earlier? Go to bed sooner? Take a class or two? Read a book a week? Meditate every morning when you wake up? Make Friday nights family night? Walk at lunchtime? Keep asking “what else, what else” to consider every possibility, no matter how wacky!

  1. What is my next step?

Of all the possibilities, what is one step closer toward it? What are all the possible next steps? Which are easy to implement? What are going to have the most impact? What do you enjoy? What could you get help and support for? Of all the options, which is the ONE next step you chose? Remember, if you’re overwhelmed, more than one next step may be too much. Just pick one, and celebrate it before moving on.

Let’s look at how this works in action.

Let’s say you want to exercise more. But you have no more time in the day and you feel overwhelmed just trying to figure out how to make it work. Could you set your alarm 15 minutes earlier and just walk around the block? Could you get a headset and walk around your office while you’re on the phone? Could you walk to the mailbox rather than drive? Could you go to the gym at work before you go home? Could you go to yoga on weekends rather than try to fit it in during the week?

In other words, what will give you some momentum?

It’s essential to start with what you most want, and then when you know what you most want, get creative about what’s possible. If you hate the gym, don’t make it part of your plan! If the weekdays are already too packed, look at weekends! There is always a way that doesn’t have to make you feel guilty, pressured or more stressed.

What we may do instead is say, ” I want to lose 50 pounds” but that goal is so long-term it’s unmotivating. It may not even feel possible. Instead, consider the root of what you want and build possibilities from there.

If there’s one thing you take from this today, please know, if you’re tired and exhausted, perhaps frustrated, it’s not because there’s anything wrong with you. It’s because you’re amazing and you’re trying to do so many things because you’re capable, in demand, and needed.

You don’t have to deplete yourself to still be amazing. In fact, the least selfish thing you can do is to make some of those choices, put some intention towards prioritizing what’s most important, so you can be the best version of yourself, for your family, your community, and in your career.

For more on burnout, check out that interview with Christine Laperriere on Work-Life Wisdom! And enjoy any of the resources we mentioned here and many others at https://greatnessmagnified.com/cool-stuff/

How our Biggest Crisis Led to Our Juiciest Possibility

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As you may already know, a few years ago my family experienced a huge transition when we moved to Niagara. It all was precipitated by one of our kids having a very serious mental health crisis. At the time, I was working as a senior leader, living in a small town, thinking everything was fine. We were unaware that for years, my child had been bullied. And it was getting worse.

I quickly learned, by speaking with the principal, coaches and daycare workers, my son was being bullied by everyone except our home and a few select friends’ houses. We were horrified. How could we let this happen? Why didn’t we know? What would happen to him if we couldn’t fix this? And the crushing reality was this: he would be with the same kids that had been bullying him for years until the end of high school (because there was only one high school in town) if we didn’t make some major changes.

As hard as it was to do this, we restarted our life. We sold our house. We sold our cottage. We uprooted our family mid-way through the school year.

Part of the transition included me leaving a senior leadership role and starting my own business. It was a very scary decision, not to mention one that shook my ego and identity. But I had a vision one day.

As I was on a yoga mat, a beautiful picture popped into my mind. I had such clarity in that moment. I knew exactly what our destiny was. I pictured standing in the middle of a converted barn and was facilitating a group of motivated professionals. I realized this was my barn and my house was on the same property. I could, in this vision, see out the window at rolling hills and a lake beyond. I felt happy, lightness and purpose.

I knew that this was our destiny.

Sure enough, we went on the hunt to try to find a place and hit many dead ends. Until one day my parents sent me a picture, my mom standing in front of an old barn. We went to look at the house and barn that night and I knew, from the moment I stepped out of the car, this was the place I had envisioned (prior to renovation of course). And it’s how we wound up back in Niagara, on a beautiful piece of property on Sixteen Mile Creek. Four years later, that barn is almost ready to be a retreat space and my office.

Why do I share this? For many reasons.

  • We often forget to dream and imagine possibilities, shutting them down as impossible. But are they?
  • We see all our debt, obligations, responsibilities and feel immobilized. But are you?
  • We get so busy caring for others, working and living life that we get so burnt out we can’t move forward. Is this a wakeup call?

Now is not the time to hit the snooze button on your life. Wake up calls – illnesses, family crises, disengagement at work, toxic colleagues, angry spouses – are a wakeup call. What do you need to pay attention to? And if you did, what opportunities might you create for yourself that you wouldn’t have otherwise? In other words, how could the things in life, like my son’s mental health crisis (that fortunately has now abated) be a blessing versus a curse?

I have some other videos you may be interested in watching to help you clarify what’s next for you. Why not check out:

And you never know where our paths might cross. Perhaps you will find your way to a retreat here at Greatness Magnified, learning and growing with me in our new preferred future.

Three Secrets to Recognition: Making it Easy to Recognize your Peers, Staff and Clients

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When I was flying back from a recent speaking engagement, I happened to be sitting beside somebody who, I learned very quickly, was an incredibly motivated middle manager. He was on the way up in his career and very passionate about his people. When he asked me what I did, I shared I was a recognition expert, he excitedly peppered me with questions.

  • What is the value of recognition?
  • How could I do more of it?
  • Given I travel so much, how can I do it from another country?

That question inspired me to create this post, because he’s not the only one who has these and related questions. For busy professionals like him, here are three essential ingredients to successful recognition:

  1. Have the tools for recognition available.

Have a stack of “thank you” cards in your office or work bag. If you are really savvy, you’ll already have them stamped with your return address! All you need to do is fill out the card, write the person’s name, and pop it in the mail. If it goes to their home, think about the impact of that for the person receiving it! What a wonderful way for them to be able to share it with their family.

I have a product, called, “FROG Kudos Cards” that some of the folks that I know, they keep two in their pocket every single day. They put them in their pocket at the beginning of the day and they find somebody to give it to, whether personally handed over or placed in one of those envelopes. Whatever your ritual is, find recognition tools that you can have handy. You are so much more likely to recognize people when the resources and tools are at your disposal.

At a recent International Conference I spoke at, after the break, one of the business owners came back with a big smile on his face. I inquired if he had taken out my homework of recognizing a colleague over coffee with a compliment card. He replied, “I actually went down to the gift shop and bought enough postcards and stamps to write a thank-you card for every member of my team and I’m sending them before I go to bed tonight.” I was so impressed! Now that is a resourceful man! If he can do it in the middle of a conference in another country, think about how much easier you can continue recognition with the tools already available!

2. Intention

When you are engaging in a discussion with your team, “How are we going to use recognition?” be intentional. Knowing what you believe will be better as a result. And be ready to break down barriers and support the converted. Be intention about making it work.

I was recently doing some work with a group that wanted to make sure that the moms and kids in their facility were able to feel valued and appreciated. They were able to talk about all the ways in which they already do it as well as some very specific strategies. That led to a beautiful conversation about how they could do the same things in their team meetings. Thinking intentionally about how you can do this daily or on a weekly with each other meant that doing it for their clients would be that much easier and more natural! When you have your team doing it, you not only have accountability, you also have greater sustainability.

3. Experiment

If you notice somebody doing something that deserves acknowledgment, don’t lose that opportunity. For example, I carry little squishy frogs in my purse. My brand is FROG – Forever Recognize Others Greatness™. When I FROG a perfect stranger, of course, handing over a little squishy frog and saying, “Have you been frogged lately?”, which can sometimes get a strange reaction, of course. I will tell them what it means and then say, “And the greatness I want to recognize in you is…” That is something I don’t plan, I just spontaneously do it in the moment.

By catching people off guard and surprising them, that’s the exponential power of recognition. It means more, because you’re surprising people. It’s something they are not expecting. This kind of surprise factor will go farther than if somebody shows up, for example, to an annual award ceremony. Spontaneously acknowledge people in whatever way you are comfortable with. How can you experiment with different ways of recognizing individuals organically in the moment? How can you take recognition efforts that are going “stale” and mix them up? You don’t have to do it alone! Think it through with others and try some things! What is the worst that can happen? Believe me, it’s worst if folks thing you don’t care and aren’t noticing their greatness.

I hope you have found this really helpful. For more recognition tools and tips daily, why not check out my Flash Briefing on Amazon Alexa. You can have an app, you can have the device and you can also subscribe to Podbean, and every day you’ll get a new juicy insight to keep your recognition going, to retain your best people, delight your customers, and of course make sure you love your job.

5 Misery-Making Things At Work We Accept (But Don’t Have To)

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As a recognition expert, I often find that following a keynote, or when coaching leaders, there are a few common things mention that annoy, frustrate and roadblock their productivity, yet they’re so commonplace they haven’t put steps in place to change them. What if in fact, you could make your own workday and others more enjoyable, satisfying and productive? Wouldn’t you try it?

You may be thinking, if the solutions were that obvious, why wouldn’t we be fixing them? As I begin to share this list, you’ll probably realize they are deeply embedded in workplace behaviour and culture – your workplace and many others! Yet, with some help and commitment to tweaking things, you may find you can take more of your time, focus and energy back, redirecting it to what you do best and enjoy most.

1.Emails

There’s some research now that’s showing that emails are becoming one of the biggest stressors that people deal with. Not being caught up, having to check it while you’re on vacation, arriving to 50 more after just one meeting (that you notice on your way to your next meeting). Ring a bell?

Some people think email is inevitable. A necessary evil. However, there are lots of things you can do to reduce email traffic. Check out systems like Slack and Click. Tools like these and others are helping work teams contain conversations around projects so that your communication stays focused, productive and updated. Say goodbye to long never-ending lists of emails in your inbox!

2.Committees and Meetings

Death by committees and meetings! Patrick Lencioni wrote a great book on this a number of years ago. Sitting in meeting after meeting, 8 am to 5 pm, it occurred to me we didn’t have to be this overscheduled. Furthermore, I began to notice how many things we discussed just to feel like everyone was included because no one read the written communications (perhaps because they were always in meetings), and as the only means to keep a project on track. Some meetings didn’t even have a structure such as an agenda! Oh, the pain!

When a new CEO came in and he said, “What is with all of these meetings?” I, perhaps unpopularly said, “Why don’t we put a hiatus on all meetings that are not absolutely required? Only support meetings that are legislated and mandated, but every other meeting is on hold for three months. Let people get their time back. And that after three months, people need to pitch to bring back the meeting.” He agreed. Initially, people said, “Oh my gosh, we can’t do without these meetings!” But it is incredible how focused, productive, and collaborative people were able to be when their calendar was not blocked during their most alert hours. You can probably imagine, many fewer meetings came back. Could you try a meeting holiday, even meeting free Fridays?

3.Task Delegation

When support departments delegate tasks to busy middle managers who are already overwhelmed to do work that is very specialized, not only will they feel anxious that they can’t do it as well as a trained professional, but also, they don’t have time to do it. Consider your processes and determine if there’s something that we’re asking people to do that isn’t really reasonable and, frankly, is causing them undue stress.

Also, consider what tasks people are doing that aren’t necessary. Plan your next group meeting with Doodle or purchase a scheduling software system like Calendly or TimeTrade. You are too busy and it’s painful to go back and forth setting up meetings (it just compounds problems 1 and 2 we discussed above). Let technology do the work for you.

4.Corner of the desk phenomenon

When we add projects, we may have great reasons why we want somebody to do it, and yet, they cannot get it done because they already have a full-time job. How much do you ask people to do without having a conversation about what’s coming off their plate? Why don’t you initiate that conversation?

5.Annual recognition only

Failure to recognize people in a meaningful way on a regular basis leaves people to feel less motivated, energized or clear if what they’re contributing is making a difference. Leaving it to annual (or worse, only at 5, 10 or 25-year marks) is even worse than infrequent recognition!

I can’t tell you how many people have still had large amounts of email in their inbox, sat on many committees, and still have tasks that haven’t made it off their plate yet. However, when somebody takes the time to acknowledge and appreciate how hard they’re working, the strengths and the skills that they’re bringing to the organization, how they know that there has been an extra push lately and that it is valued and appreciated, when it’s specifically, authentically, meaningfully acknowledged, people are willing and able to work for you; that much harder, that much more focused, that much more productively. You won’t get your best from people if you only make a big deal of them once they’ve been with the company for 25 years (and believe it or not, the main investment Canadian organizations make in recognition is this!)

If you find that people are not performing at their best, and that includes you, perhaps burnout has set in from the very things we can change in organizations. Isn’t it worth trying to shift? Wouldn’t a small improvement make a huge impact when you consider your whole workforce?

There are many easy things you can do about each one of them, which is why I invite you to spend 15 minutes chatting over a virtual cup of coffee to strategize how I can help you.

5 Ways to Bring Meaning and Joy Back to your Career

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Do you feel meaning and joy every single day from the work that you do? Do you love your career? If Oprah invited you to be a guest on Super Soul Sunday, would you have so many stories and examples to share you would not know where to start?

Well, if you’re not sure or if you’re worried the answer is no, you are not alone. A small percentage of us are actually satisfied and engaged in the very place we spend most of our time – our workplaces. The good news is, we have found it elsewhere; 67% of Canadians say they’re very happy. Imagine how many more would be happier, or happier for a greater part of our day, if we could find that joy at work too? I believe it’s possible.

I want to share with you five powerful questions to clarify where you can find more joy and satisfaction at work:

  1. Are you proud about the work you do and who you work for?
  2. Do you have a close or even best friend at work?
  3. Do you have joy and happiness at least once every single day at work?
  4. Do people see and honour your greatness – your talents, passions, and virtues?
  5. Are you recognized for that greatness every single day?

If the answer is no to any of those questions, just ask yourself, “What would Oprah inspire you to do? Would she settle? Nope. So why should you?

What is one thing you could do to bring greater joy and happiness into your workday? Here are a few ideas:

  1. Speak positively about your job, employer and accomplishments in your role
  2. Spend time socializing at work or outside of work with coworkers you respect and share common interests with
  3. Before you finish work, write down, note in an app like WinStreak, or simply think about one thing you that worked well or was positive about your day
  4. Recognize someone’s else greatness (they’ll be more likely to recognize yours and others)
  5. Find a way to bring recognition into your workplace such as in team meetings, stand up morning huddles, a kudos board or random acts of recognition (e.g., thank-you notes)

No matter how much control you feel you have at work, there is always something you can do to regain joy and contentment at work. And isn’t it worth it? You spend enough time there…

Want ideas every day of how to keep doing this? Listen on your Amazon Alexa device or podbean app to Forever Recognize Others’ Greatness.

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