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Greatness Magnified

Three Ways to Create a Healthy Workplace Ecosystem

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A number of years ago when we were looking for a cottage. We met a great realtor who was excited to be able to help us find our first leisure property. Every time he’d get out of the car, he would do a very interesting but strange thing; he would go right down to the water, take a look around, and within 30 seconds say either, “You can’t buy this place” or “Let’s go inside for a look around.”

We made the assumption that he was rather obsessed with the waterfront. After about the third day of us looking, we said, “Out of curiosity, why do we have to base our judgement on the waterfront?” He shared, “It’s not actually the water. I’m looking to see if there’s any frogs in it because you see, frogs have such sensitive, delicate skin that they can’t survive in an unhealthy body of water and ecosystem.”

What he was explaining to us was that the evidence of frogs was more accurate than any water testing and health records; he could tell, simply by the habitat, if it was hospitable or not.

The same applies to any work environment. People make an impression about your workplace within a minute of setting foot in it. When it comes to clients, new staff, potential partners, they’re looking for how healthy your workplace is, and if they want to do business with you (or if they have no choice, if they can expect a good experience or a less pleasant one). You may be so immersed in it that you can’t tell. You may also feel powerless to change it if it’s not as healthy as it could be. In this blog, we’ll show you what you can do about it, no matter what role you have on the team.

Here are a couple of things you can think about to ensure your team has a healthy ecosystem. Perhaps you’re reading this blog because you’re in a position of deciding if you want to remain in that ecosystem or not. All the more reason to see what can be done about it before you jump ship.

Signs of a healthy ecosystem (anyone can initiate):

1.Celebrate each other

As much as we think people have thick skin, everybody needs to feel acknowledged, appreciated and valued (rather than just told what is needed, how to improve and what to do differently). On the surface, someone may seem tough as nails. But within all of us is the need to do meaningful work and feel valued for it. This is at every level – coaching clients in the c-suite to business owners to folks just starting their career – they share their deepest regrets, their pains, their frustrations, plans they’re not sure about, not feeling valued – and it impacts their energy and productivity. We need to celebrate each other – in small and large ways – on an ongoing basis. When people are working so hard, they need to feel that their greatness (their talents, passions and virtues) are being cultivated, appreciated, tapped into, utilized and valued.

Do you celebrate and value your staff, peers, boss, partners?

2.Ensure every voice is heard

When you listen to an environment with a lot of frogs, they croak in the night. My son loved to catch pollywogs when he was younger, bringing them home to my parent’s pond and watching them grow. Perhaps to my mother’s chagrin, as they would be so loud, croaking all night long, keeping her awake. But you knew they were there!

Do you know what your talent has to say? Do you hear lots of ideas? Do you hear people chatting with each other, interacting on a social level, getting to know each other as people? Are they connecting, sharing and contributing their best ideas to important projects, pitches, clients and problems? Or is there silence? In a meeting, around the office, meeting with you, if you hear little to nothing, that’s a good indicator that there’s some toxicity present such as mistrust, disengagement, or inter-team tension. This can’t be ignored.

Do you ensure every voice is heard?

3.Growth

When a healthy ecosystem exists in nature, the population of its inhabitants grows. Do you have people who want to come and work with your team? Is there a lineup of people waiting to get in, and therefore, do you have a stack of resumes waiting for the first vacancy? Are people inquiring about your organization to become your client, partner or next hire?

There’s a number of organizations I’ve worked with, that never have to post a job advertisement because as soon as somebody leaves, through natural attrition, they are the best recruiters for that team, that organization, and know who to recommend. Do you have people who want to grow and be part of that team, and are the people who are already there, growing and nurturing as well? Or are they stale and stagnant and there is just no appreciation or acknowledgement for the importance of growth within the team?

I hope this has given you a perspective on the importance of focusing on healthy team ecosystems. If you feel that this is valuable, subscribe to my YouTube channel so that you can continue to get your dose of Greatness Magnified, for your work, family and for your life.

Five Tips to Getting Your Priorities Straight!

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How can you be a family-centered business professional or entrepreneur? Do you feel like you need to compromise both? When I feel like I need to be one or the other, I get grouchy and feel frustrated. I find myself thinking about living for tomorrow as opposed to living in the present. Inevitably, I feel like I’m not living in either world to the best of my abilities or enjoying it.

Can we be family-centered, still love our career and contribute financially to our household? Is it possible to have the best of all worlds? There are many people that I have the privilege of working with that have been able to delicately navigate this “balance”, however, it takes practice. Consider these five tips:

  1.  Get clear on your perfect day

Are you clear on what your perfect day looks like? How hard have you worked lately to get clear on it and to make it happen? Or do you feel it’s not possible and why bother? Well, I can tell you it is possible and it is worth pursuing it.

One of the leaders that I’m working with owns a very successful business that operates from multiple locations.  Not only is it profitable, but it gives back to the community. Before he even begins his week, he maps out his priorities and makes decisions about his time based on that. Anything he feels someone else can do or may be better or more efficient in, he delegates. He’s still able to run his successful business prioritizing what he most wants and needs. This means he has a great relationship with his now adult children and his wife, with plenty of time for leisure, fitness and fun, and all the while business is going well. In fact, he’s a great influence on me because he’s always pushing me to ask the question if I’m running my business as close to my perfect day, every day, as I can.

What about you, have you mapped out what a perfect day looks like and how much does your current day look like compared to your perfect day?

  1. Scale back 10 to 15%

Prior to starting my own business while in a corporate job, I was not feeling like I was competently giving what I needed to my family as well as at work. My business mentor said, “What can you cut back 10 to 15%?” My answer was, “Well nothing, I actually need to do more and I just don’t have time to do more.” She said, “Well I don’t believe it. I believe strongly that you can cut back at least 10% and I know this because if all of a sudden you got sick, you would have to. If all of a sudden, your kids got sick, your mom got sick, you’d be motivated to figure it out. Find 10% of your time, take it back as if you’ve already reached that crisis point.”

Putting it that way, I knew she was right. As soon as I started to look for it, I was able to notice that there were things I was prioritizing that I didn’t need to. There were things I was doing no one had asked me to do that might only have been important to me. And my standards were very high. I pulled back, and you know what, nobody noticed! I even seriously scaled back a few very public tasks (e.g., moved my weekly newspaper column to monthly) with no repercussions.

To this day, now running my own business, I’m very conscious about things that I do with my time and am constantly evaluating if I’m best using my energy.

  1. Delegate

As soon as you can afford to hire somebody to do some of the things you don’t have to do, then do it. It doesn’t have to be full-time too. In the “gig economy” (of which almost half will be in across North America within the next few years), you can hire someone to do just about anything for you!

For those of you working in organizations, you likely don’t have to be in the C-suite or have an army of staff to delegate. Maybe there is someone who wants to have an opportunity and is willing to take over your spot on that committee, lead that project, create your next presentation. Delegation isn’t just getting things off your plate, it’s giving others opportunity too.

No matter what your role is in the organization, share the load. And then share the praise for a job well done.

  1. Schedule the most important things first

In a previous blog, I talked about the many ways you can prioritize what’s most important. Only you can decide what’s most important, so when was the last time you created that priority list? And then, did you discipline yourself to schedule the most important things first?

Sometimes people think I’m only talking about scheduling work. I also mean fitness, family time, and all the other things you feel are important in your life. Whether it’s blocking it in your calendar, picking regular times until your passions are built into your life like habits, or putting reminders on your phone, find your way to block the important things. And encourage your coworkers, peers, staff, and family members to do the same!

  1. Know your top three priorities

When we look at the book, The 4 Disciplines of Execution, it shows us very clearly that as soon as we have more than three priority tasks, then we dilute our effectiveness. In times when I’ve let my business go on autopilot, latching onto the latest thing I’ve learned, getting carried away with a new project idea, or chasing a potential new market with no clear reason why, it’s wasted not just time and energy, it’s made me feel tired, resentful and guilty that I don’t have as much focus or time for my family. We don’t have a finite amount of attention or energy, so we owe it to ourselves and those who depend on us to invest it wisely. In other words, just because our time doesn’t cost us anything, and we assume there’s always more energy where that came from, the reality is that’s not the case.

If you’re feeling frazzled, distracted, and stressed, chances are you’re also not feeling productive, creative or a sense of accomplishment. Chances are you have too many priorities and when everything is a priority, nothing is. Perform better by doing a few things really well and then move onto the next. I have made this my mantra this year, and as a result, I have read, written, relaxed and exercised more in the last six months than in the previous few years. And my business isn’t suffering because of it, but actually the contrary.

I hope you found these five tips helpful.  To discover more about how you can better prioritize what’s most important in your work and life, why not jump into my calendar for a 15-minute chat. Perhaps I can help you find the right combination that works.

How much are you worth?

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Click here for the video

Lately, there has been some interesting discussion on social media channels about how much money we should make. Some are even saying that we shouldn’t be putting a target number out there, or not one that’s ambitious. Or that when folks do they’re pressuring others to set their goals higher and there’s a problem with that.

Why dedicate a whole blog to this topic? Because it’s the comments I read that concern me. I see a pattern of a very limiting belief mindset. That we need to think conservatively and be happy with what we get. That if we have a decent income, then we sacrifice lifestyle. That we need to grow our careers and businesses slowly.

My question is, does there have to be an either/or? What if it could be a both/and? In other words, can we have the best of many worlds – make what we’re worth, and have the lifestyle we want, and still be present for family and other important elements of our life?

Furthermore, why do we have to be divisive on this issue of income? Do we have to dive ourselves into those who want “too much” and those who ask for “too little”? This is not an inclusive conversation, therefore, doesn’t enable cross-pollination of ideas and support. It doesn’t build everybody up.

We need to be brave enough to be having open conversations about what our financial goals and needs are.

We as women, who traditionally who have made less than men – and research still shows we do and that it takes 10 years longer to get to the top job if that’s what we want – need to encourage these transparent and striving conversations.

We need to consider financial goals on a spectrum and holistic in nature so it’s not “what do you want to make in your biz/career?” devoid of lifestyle, family, and other considerations. In other words, the elements that are important to us all.

The opportunity this brings is taking a look at what we really want and most value. You deserve to get paid what you’re worth. So, I want to share with you some of the secrets that I’ve learned from people who don’t have to compromise what they make in their business or income. People who haven’t compromise their health, lifestyle or good relationships to make what they’re worth.

1.Know your worth.

Charge what you are worth as an organization or negotiate your worth as a salary and don’t compromise. Are you willing to go somewhere else or work with different clients who don’t see that you are worth that amount? Not sure what it should be? Try this exercise recommended to me by my speaker coach Jane Atkinson.

Exercise: Write down all your education, experience, volunteerism, interests, courses, certificates, passions and anything else that makes you qualified, interesting, unique and fabulous. This unique package of greatness is what people invest in when they hire you. Consider: how much would I be willing to pay for someone with all of this? Write down a number. Read off the list to others and ask them the same thing. Knowing what your worth as a whole package (versus our limiting mindset of “there’s so many other equally or more qualified people than me out there”) helps you to stand tall in your fee or salary expectations and be willing to pass on opportunities that fail to align, creating space for the better fit to come along.

2.Top Level Performance.

Connie Podesta is a famous speaker in the U.S. who says, “I’m a 10 out of 10 speaker, that’s why I command the fees that I command. And sure, you could hire a two out of 10 speaker and pay less, but if you have your 10 out of 10 people you’re sending to the conference, why would you want to have a speaker that’s not also a 10?” Now, this is a woman who knows her worth! Love it!

And don’t you value the power of that statement of: “why wouldn’t you want to hire a 10?” Are you a 10? I’m assuming you are or darn close to it. If you perform at a 10, you deserve to work with other 10s, companies that are a 10, and do work that leverages your 10 talents. If you’re not stretched too thin by having so many clients and tasks that are well below your 10 status, you’re not staying top of your game. It’s better to earn a little more and work a little less, or if you’re in a situation where you’re not matched to that 10 team or organization, hold back a bit and give that to building a 10 out of 10 side hustle than keep giving your 10 in an environment not able to fully benefit from it.

3.Study the bottom line.

Getting paid what your worth may come first, but not letting it all go out the door is also important to consider. Have you ever thought “I’m doing pretty well” only to wonder where it all went at the end of the month? The temptation is, the more you make the more you spend. However, like any good business, you need to study those inputs and outputs on a regular basis (minimum monthly) and adjust accordingly. And, what do you have to take from that bottom-line to put toward your future?

Of course, the extreme of not studying and adjusting is that we go bankrupt or lose our business. Even if we’re not in that extreme position, worry about this can only hold you back. It gives you a mindset that you have fewer choices. We can get intimidated by our expenses or debt being so high that we feel we need to take any work and stay with clients or businesses that are a bad match. We feel trapped and stop demanding to be treated and paid what we’re worth. We had the misperception that we have no choice but in actual fact, we can adjust our habits and open up possibilities again. And it all starts with making good and consistent friends with our numbers.

4. Hang out with top performers.

Who do you spend your time with? Are they people who are living the lifestyle you want, earning what they deserve, know what they’re worth? Will they hold you accountable to do the same? They will say, “You deserve more than that“? Just as we spoke about you being a 10, hanging out with other 10s or those that can help you to perform at a 10 will help you stand tall in what you’re worth and learn the tricks from them as to how to do this consistently.

5.Know when to say no.

Know what you are not willing to compromise on. I learned early on I had to prioritize my decision-making criteria for my business or else I found myself saying “yes” haphazardly to work that didn’t feed my soul, bank-account or need to run a family-friendly business. I now filter all requests or potential work through six priorities (in this order of importance):

Priorities:

  1. Family-friendly fit (e.g., I can sleep in my own bed)
  2. Fits with my expertise & passion
  3. Pays what I’m worth
  4. I like the client/company (good alignment)
  5. I have capacity
  6. Opens the door to other possibilities

Let’s say someone wants me to go lower than my fee (which as you know by now valuing what you’re worth is a big deal to me and I hope for you too). I have to be sure it meets the first two priorities to a T and the rest as well. If it’s a charity of choice and they have no budget, but meets all the other criteria and I’m not capped out on my set number of charity speeches a year, that may be a yes whereas another charity that’s not on my charity of choice list and is far away from my family will likely be a no. Or let’s say it’s a company that will pay my fee but treats their staff badly and is only having me in as window-dressing, leaving my family behind for half a week to boot. Well, that also is likely a no. Don’t get me wrong, there are lots of yeses, but every yes and every no are an important decision. I am not doing an organization or association any favours if I say yes just because of the money or yes to a lower fee feel resentful as that event rolls around.

Exercise: List all the criteria for making a decision to accept a client or company (or to stay with one). Then

I encourage you to look at what you’re making in your business, in your income, and ask yourself, “Am I happy with this?” If you’re super humble, consider if a career coach, your best friend or closest mentor would be happy with it. It’s great if you are. If you’re not, which of those five things could you work on so that you could get to that place where you are satisfied and content and deserving every penny of what you’re worth? And you ARE worth it. That is part of your greatness and people are lucky to have access to your greatness.

Know someone who needs to hear what they’re worth? Share on.

Three Strategies to Lead your Team through Effective Coaching

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One of the common themes I see emerging in 2018 is the topic, “Leader as Coach.”  What we’re seeing is that as the coaching field continues to evolve and grow, more people are experiencing the benefits of having been coached and want employees to experience the same benefits. They are also realizing that they can begin that movement by being more coach-like in their leadership approach.

However, leader as a coach is not always a natural fit. For one thing, it’s not always the right approach. When we have a crisis situation, when there’s a very clear way of doing things and when it is the leading practice, being directive is often what is required. However, to assume that all leadership scenarios require a directive approach is shortchanging not only your employees but your peers and organization as well.

The world of business and our organizations is complex and competitive. It’s fast-moving and evolving. It requires innovative solutions, new approaches, and flexibility that a directional leadership style simply doesn’t utilize. In fact, our employees may have the best strategies to manage the challenges they face daily; they are closest to the work, the customer and the product. Organizations practicing continuous improvement and LEAN have known this for years and are light years ahead of their competition and they stay consistent in this method. Being more coach-like as a leader enables you to share the responsibility of creating new possibilities and products through to solving long-standing issues. Not only that, it allows you as a leader to demonstrate daily how you value your top talent, and authentically provide meaningful ways for individuals to contribute their expertise, ideas, and enthusiasm. In other words, stay engaged and contribute.

To be clear, this blog is not trying to profess that all leaders need to become coaches (you already have enough to do). Nor is it in fact ethical for you to officially be a coach to somebody who reports directly to you (according to guidelines set out by the governing body of coaches, the International Coach Federation). Rather, this blog is about exploring a few core coaching principles that helps to make any leader more effective and get out of firefighting mode; to enable you to harness, nurture and value the talent that you already have for the good of all.

Here are three key strategies that are essential to being more coach-like.

  1. Be Visible.

In terms of being more coach-like, you could certainly be more visible that only seeing employees in a meeting or the boardroom. And this applies to every level of leadership. It’s incredible the number of walk-throughs I’ve done with a new organization I’m working with and when I ask about leadership, people will tell me who has been around lately, how interested they were in what they had to say, and how valued they made them feel when they communicated with them. There’s nothing more powerful than when you’re physically where the value is created and you’re able to use inquiry rather than direction to be able to harness the best from your employees. Get out, get curious, and act on the good ideas or lines of thinking you hear. Circle back with folks what you learned and if there are some actions, ideas or opportunities you’re acting on. Now that’s a way to compliment your top talent…listen and utilize their wisdom…and watch them give you more of it!

  1. See Complaints as Opportunities.

My co-author Brenda Zalter-Minden used to say to leaders, a complaint is merely a poorly worded request. In other words, the individual’s greatness is in there, it’s just perhaps very well masked! But when you take a curious stance, you can listen past the complaint to the suggestion or opportunity. Inquiry allows you to learn rather than get on the defensive. Not easy to do if you’re tired and feeling burnt out, but all the more reason to do less firefighting so you aren’t as burdened. Perhaps after your line of inquiry to figure out the suggestion under the complaint you don’t change a thing, however, the person will feel valued and validated by you seeing them as resourceful rather than a problem.

  1. Ask Good Coaching Questions.

At risk of stating the obvious, being coach-like requires you to ask good coaching questions! In other words, open-ended questions as opposed to yes, no, maybe, sorts of answers. They allow the person to think differently to help you dig a little deeper. They deepen the understanding and assume the person is resourceful, rather than what we often do which is listen to speak (where we’re not really listening!)

If you would like to look at some examples of helpful coaching questions, here are some from our deck of coaching cards:

  • Suppose the issue that we’re focused on actually was disguised as a great opportunity, what could that be?
  • What value could you add without even trying?
  • Who would have a different perspective on this?
  • How do others describe you/the team/the organization at its best?
  • Imagine your ideal day or shift, what would be different?

The power of these questions is that you are opening up the possibility of what solutions you could find, as opposed to trying to have all the answers. It allows new leaders, or people who have less experience, to immerse themselves in their team and to get a good read on what’s going on, through the power of questions. You’re able to share the spotlight with your employees and peers, valuing them for their experience, wisdom, and engagement. You can have the same benefits by asking powerful questions of your customers as well, making them feel a part of your organization and learning what they most need from you.

One last thought. Why not consider bringing a more coach-like approach into your family life as well? I can tell you as the mother of two teenagers, they would much prefer that I ask them questions than telling them what to do! That this is a way of being and thinking that can help to build any relationship.

What other suggestions do you have to fuel a coach-like approach as leaders? Will you share them in the comments section below?

For other free resources to help keep you strong as a leader, feel free to hop over to my website for the Cool Stuff page and download many helpful, tools to use.

Five Keys to Retaining Your Best Staff

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Recruiting your internal staff first is one of the most powerful recognition strategies right under our noses!

When we don’t provide our internal staff with the opportunity and treat them as the priority, then how can you expect them to feel valued and respected? Especially if they’ve been looking forward to these great assignments, stretch projects and promotions.  When suddenly, that new opportunity arrives and just like that they don’t get it and hope is dashed. Especially if they were never really taken seriously. It’s just so painful.

Here is what we know about how to best retain top talent by first looking seriously at our talent within.

  1. Make a decision: do we have a ‘first try to hire from within’ philosophy?

Sometimes people will tell me they cannot hire from within because there just isn’t the talent there. But do your people know that? If someone doesn’t know they’re not performing to the ability and the level that they could be to have access to an opportunity, that’s your first problem! And it needs fixing fast!

Let’s assume, however, that this is not your issue. Does your organization value external people more than internals? Do they take outsiders’ perspective to be wiser, more valuable, and more respected? Or is institutional knowledge, fit with the culture, and “better the devil you know” fit more with your approach? If it’s the former, what evidence do you have that outside is in fact better?

The other piece is that it’s going to take a lot more to onboard somebody who doesn’t know your organization and get them up to speed compared to somebody who does. One of the greatest opportunity for recruiting our internal folks first is that you know them already.

  1. Shift your thinking: what ripple effect does our hiring philosophy have on engagement?

What message does your philosophy about hiring from within have on engagement? If people feel they’re likely to get passed over, why would they give their discretionary effort, ideas and improvements? Or at least, they’re less likely to.

Your philosophy will also approach how you think about investing in developing people. If you want to hire your own, you’re more likely to grow them. The law of reciprocity kicks in and they want to do more for you as they know they’ve been invested in. See the cycle?

You also need to understand where development needs to happen. This may come out of your job evaluation process and your performance appraisal process, of knowing what talent you need and where that growth needs to happen.  Are people ready for those opportunities? If not, help them prepare. It can also impact what sort of training you do and what coaching and mentorship needs to be available in order to ensure the readiness of the next group of leaders or folks who move into those lynchpin positions that are so challenging to recruit to.

The other opportunity is it allows potentially your employees to get involved in the process. To be able to put up their hand and say, “Yes, I would like an opportunity if it became available.” You don’t want to ask them if, in fact, you have every plan to give it to somebody externally.

I’ve heard from a lot of business owners and leaders that they’re concerned and hesitant about making this their process and policy. You may or may not be one of them. Perhaps you already have a process where internal applicants are given the opportunity before external, which is great. My question to you is, is it consistent?

  1. Upping the Preparation: Have you clarified your intent in your People Plan?

If you don’t have a People/Human Resources Plan, well, that’s where you need to start. But let’s assume you do. This is where you build in your philosophy and operationalize your strategy. This is where you can clarify how and why your recruitment practices flow the way they do. This is how you ensure continuity and consistency – from job postings to interviews to hiring decisions and beyond.

Do you have a process of being able to look at your existing talent pool and seeing what kind of development they’re going to need to be ready for those positions you anticipate will come available? Consider your turnover patterns – your past is the best predictor of your future – is there a way to leverage an internal recruiting approach to ensure you don’t have big gaps and anticipate the external recruitment you’ll need to do? And of course, build in what you already know about natural attrition, i.e. people retiring, moving, and contracts renewing.

  1. Spreading the Communication: Do all stakeholders know your philosophy?

If you have external or internal stakeholders with a vested interest in certain candidates, bring them in sooner rather than later. It could be your union colleagues, a shared management agreement with another organization or individuals identified through succession planning and so on. Make stakeholder consultation a part of your recruitment process; even staff positions you can have a colleague sit on the interview panel. As much as possible, make hiring decisions a shared process (yes the buck stops at one person, however, if others are involved at all levels then when decisions about going outside must be made there’s confidence it’s because it was necessary).

Of course, adjust your policies and your approach, not all of this has to happen overnight. However keep your people and related stakeholders informed about your intent to recruit from within first, that you value the talent already in the organization, and you want to know how to support people until such time the right opportunity comes along.

If you’ve found these suggestions helpful, why not share them? Let’s have more intentional discussions about our “recruit from within” philosophy. And of course, share any suggestions or comments below.

Four Ways to Connect Quickly: Having Conversations that Matter

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I’ve noticed a theme lately where people are asking, “How do we have more meaningful connections?”

Some theorize this is a backlash to Facebook and the “Gram” –  that people are just sharing the best face of their life to the world. Maybe I’ve just got the whole social media thing all wrong and I’m showing way too many warts and all. Really, I think we’re pointing our finger at the latest trend when actually we could be asking a more powerful question: “How do we have more meaningful connections?” That transcends trends and time.

We need to ask this question more than ever before. We are a distracted society. We’ve got our heads down checking our devices. We’re so busy that our attention is focused on the discussion about the most valuable commodity that we have today and that we are spending so much time in our cars, commuting to and from work, driving our kids to activities and just occupying our life that we’re not spending the time connecting with each other.

Yes!  There is an opportunity!

We can engage in meaningful dialogue, and build these relationships very quickly, even with perfect strangers. For those of us who are in business, we can find connections with people that potentially could be great clients through having a different approach to a dialogue. I mean, how many times has somebody asked you, “How’s it going?“, and you just say, “fine” or “good“, but you aren’t! Or if you are it still deflates a potential powerful connection opportunity.

When we engage in meaningful dialogue, where we seek to understand, connect and learn about the other person, we ask different questions than people having transactional dialogue. And that’s how you get noticed. These conversations are what people remember. You stand out because you cared just a little bit more. You are memorable because of what you discussed.

We’re not used to having these conversations though. When I coach entrepreneurs to have more meaningful conversations when they’re networking, conversing with a potential client or even in their personal lives, they’re worried they’ll come across as “nosy”, “pushy” and put people off. But consider this: do you like benign small talk? No way! Do you like realizing that you have something in common with a perfect stranger? Yes! So, what if you could make this connection at the same time it takes to have meaningless small talk? And what if it led to a cool new relationship, partnership or even a sale?

Consider this unique and great formula – “F.R.O.G.” (no not my normal FROG – Forever Recognize Others’ Greatness™) – this time it’s an easy to remember formula of the four areas that you can relate to just about anyone on. In fact, you can download a list of questions that fall under each of these four here.

F – Family & Friends

Family and Friends. If you ask or start a conversation inquiring about people’s family and friends, people are so much more interested in having that conversation. It could just be, “So, what are your kids into?” You may find within three shares back and forth that you have a lot of things in common.

R – Recreation

Recreation. What do you do outside of work, or what do you do for fun? What did you do when you were a kid? What would you do if you had a windfall of $10,000? There are all kinds of questions that allow you to connect on a human level, and to learn about what that person most values because that’s how they spend their very limited and precious discretionary time.

O – Occupation

Occupation, and not just “what do you do?” You can learn that from visiting someone’s LinkedIn profile. It’s more than that. What do you love about your job? Why did you choose that degree? Did you take a different career path? You’d probably learn something about their journey that would benefit you, but also, it’s questions that people don’t normally ask individuals, particularly as they’re networking and building relationships for the first time.

G – Goals & Passions

Goals and passions. What do you think will be the most important achievement that you will have in your career? Do you have anything on your bucket list that you want to accomplish this year? Whether somebody has a bucket list or not, they probably have heard of the concept and they can come up with something. Again, by understanding what somebody is super jazzed about, how cool would it be to have a conversation about that rather than the weather?

If you were to add a fifth area to build out some meaningful connection questions, what would it be? What is your favorite question to ask or be asked?

I hope that’s been helpful for you in having a conversational framework that you can plant in your head the next time you go to a networking meeting, meet new colleagues, in a sales meeting, or want to have a deeper, more meaningful connection. If you go to my website’s, Cool Stuff page, I’ve put together some questions underneath the F-R-O-G that you can put in your toolkit and effortlessly practice using those strategies.

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